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New Year’s Goals: Setting The Bar High For 2020

Jo Caddy

 

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Hello 2020! The old year is gone and the new year has begun, stretching out before us with a whole host of opportunities just waiting to present themselves. But opportunities don’t become possibilities unless we take action to make them happen, right?

You may have seen my post just before new years entitled “I Hate New Years Resolutions: Revising 2019” where I was a little disappointed in myself for not attaining all the resolutions I’d made and so decided that instead of resolutions which put way too much pressure on me, I’d make new year’s goals instead. Goals that represented the ultimate, preferred result of my hard work and determination, but that would be satisfied by at least getting them started or well underway. Goals that I could be proud of myself for attempting let alone achieving, achieving would be amazing but not necessary for feelings of accomplishment.

Setting goals is like high jumping, if you only ever set the bar low you’ll reach your goal pretty much every time, but you’ll never know if you could have jumped higher. So I’m setting the bar high for 2020, aiming for the sky, shooting for the stars, and any other cliche that seems appropriate. Hoping that by the end of the year I’ll have worked my way up to clearing the highest position on the high jump.

I’d like to think I’ll have time for all these things, but family and friends take higher priority, so if developing or maintaining relationships takes over, that’s completely fine and I’ll still be proud of my attempts. The secret is to do my best, to aim high and celebrate the progress, each bar cleared is a success and if I don’t reach the top by the next new years then I aim higher for 2021.

I’ll keep it simple, because let’s face it, my goals aren’t going to mean a whole lot to you, they are personal and meaningful to me because they are mine, but I’d love to share them with you to give me that extra accountability. I’d love to hear about your goals for the year in the comments section below if your happy to share them with me also.

This page contains affiliate links which may earn me a commission (at no extra cost to you) if you click through and make a purchase. Affiliate links are how I keep this blog running, thank you.

Photo by Randy Fath on Unsplash


My Goals for 2020

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1. Finish writing my novel

I managed to edit my first three chapters and write exactly one paragraph of my 4th chapter this year and that in simple language ‘totally sucks’. I need to do better this year and complete my first novel. Nuff said!

2. Steer Mum Life Stories toward helping women find their identity

This is an important one to me. I feel the trials of this life and the troubles of this world have stripped women (and men, but my focus is women) of their true God-given identities. Identities that are unique to each individual and celebrate all that each person was created to be. Identities that embrace the self but impact the world beyond self at the same time. I believe we are not simply on this planet to be the best “us” we can be, but to be the best “us” for “others” that we can be. We need to love our own identities so that we can help others embrace theirs.

3. Get a closer relationship with my friend Jesus

As a Christian I have been through different seasons, some cold and dark and filled with storms (which I didn’t handle well) and others, calm and warm and full of sunshine. I feel the last year I’ve been stuck somewhere in-between and this year I want to learn how to go through any season that comes my way with greater resilience. I want to learn how to ride the storms and not let my ship sink beneath the waves, to keep my ship above the water until the wind has died down.

I know in my heart, the only way to do this is to strengthen my walk with Jesus and solidify my identity in him and not in my human weakness’. His love for me is all I need, I will not chase meaning and value in another human being or in accomplishment, those things are icing on the cake but they do not define me, he does!

 4. Find a way to make a living from home

So I’ve been out of the workforce for 16 years, long story but basically I have 5 children and have been a stay at home mum for a lot of that time. I studied a diploma in christian ministry at bible college in between, ran various social groups and a photography business, but as far as making a regular weekly income goes, that’s been on hold for some time. With my older ones finishing high school this year and my younger ones increasing care with their dad, there will be more available time and less money coming in, so it’s time to start bringing home that bacon.

I believe it’s important to be available for my kids when they get home from school though so making money from home would be ideal. Either through this blog, or writing for a living or running a creative business or all of the above, I would ideally love to be working from home and making enough to take care of my family on my own.

5. Make more memories with my older boys before they leave home

My older boys will be entering year 12 this year so it won’t be long before their education journey is over and they’ll be looking at moving out of home (that’s their plan anyway but we all know that reality is very different from what we imagine). In any case their own lives will begin next year and I won’t see a lot of them so this year is my last chance to create meaningful memories that we can reminisce about in years to come.

6. Lose 20 kilos and get fit

Ok, so this one is on 80% of most women’s resolution/goals list, yeah? It’s been on my list for a while but I’ve seriously struggled to fit exercise and meal planning etc into my schedule. I’ve started on fitness about 3 times a week but I don’t believe any kilos have been shed. I still have baby weight and my baby is 2 so it’s time to commit to the change. Now this is not about vanity, or looking good to attract a partner etc, it’s about health, energy levels and reducing pain. I have fibromyalgia and even a little bit of extra weight causes an increase in pain, fatigue and lethargy so 2020 is my year for renewed health, fitness and vitality.

7. Get more sleep

This is probably the most important and most difficult one to achieve. If it’s not my little ones waking me at 5am or several times during the night, it’s the blinking army helicopters flying over at midnight or the tropical, nocturnal birds screeching outside my window at 2am. I can’t shut my windows because it’s summer in tropical north queensland and not having any breeze come into the room would be like shutting myself in the oven on medium heat all night. On top of that my body clock is now so out of whack that insomnia is randomly showing up on nights when everything else is going well. I get on average 5 – 6 hours of broken sleep a night and it is not doing me any favours, especially for my mood.

So I need to take measures to insure a better night’s sleep is had, whether it’s forgoing any ‘me time’ when the little ones are home and going straight to bed once they are asleep and I’ve finished picking older ones up from work, or using some type of natural sleep remedy to help me drift off and have a deeper sleep, etc. This year I will get more sleep!

8. Open an Etsy store to sell things I’ve made myself

Last year, I attempted a dropshipping store and the whole time I was thinking, I really wish I had my own products to sell, products I believed in, products that I created myself with my own talents and creativity and blood, sweat and tears but how could I possibly find the time? Well I may not have time for a full-time shop, but I could get something started this year. I’m thinking possibly recycled wood products (keep an eye out for an upcoming article about my pallet wood DIY project I just finished).

Whatever it is, one thing is for sure. I believe I was born to run my own business!

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A Busy Year

I think 8 goals is sufficient as there will be a lot going on this year, with my 4th child starting Kindy, and (as previously stated) my two oldest boys doing their final year at high school and deciding on Uni next year or taking a gap year. Either way, they could be moving out of home at the end of 2020 (most likely). By the end of the year, my two littlest will also be doing 50/50 care between myself and their Dad and it will only be my teenage daughter left with me full time, so this could be my last year of chaotic, super busy family life with 5 kids, which is a pretty shocking realisation.

Next years goals will be completely different from this years goals. It’s a scary thought but exciting at the same time, change isn’t always bad, it can lead to new opportunities and fresh perspectives. A lot of decisions will need to be made this year and goals put into place in order to achieve the support and direction my family needs, but I am confident that it is achievable and that 2020 is going to be a great year!

What are your goals for 2020? Do you believe this will be your year to prosper?

Thanks

Thank you so much for reading this blog, without you, there would be no reason to write, so please keep reading, and commenting and sharing, etc. If you have a story to tell and would like me to share it on this blog, please contact me at mumlifestories@gmail.com or if you have a fictional story about a mum you’d like to submit for consideration to be published, go to our submissions page.

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I HATE NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS: Revising 2019

Jo Caddy

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If you were with me this time last year you may remember a post I did called “NEW YEARS RESOLUTION: Make New Year’s Resolution”. In it I talked about my need to start setting goals for myself and for my family. Goals that I hoped to accomplish at least half of by the same time this year. I said I would share with you how I chose to fulfill or abandon each goal and so here I am a year later, talking to you fine folk about how “I hate new years resolutions.”

See I set these goals with all the best intentions, these were the things I wanted for my family and for myself and the blog which I have poured my heart into. Before I started writing this article I thought to myself, “I’m pretty sure I’ve accomplished most, if not all of the goals I set out in that article”, but then I revised the article and realised that I reached pretty much ‘none’ of my family goals and only a few of my personal ones.

I began the post with confidence and now I feel the sting of defeat and disappointment in life and in myself. I look toward the next year and think “will I accomplish anything this time, or will this be another disappointing year, full of unfulfilled desires and unrealised dreams?” I know, I know, very dramatic and your probably thinking there is surely a lot of positive things (not on my list of goals) that I could focus on and be thankful for, and…well, you would be right.

But let’s take a look at them together and maybe I can turn my perspective of disappointment into one of contentment and hopefulness.

This page contains affiliate links which may earn me a commission (at no extra cost to you) if you click through and make a purchase. Affiliate links are how I keep this blog running, thank you.

Photo’s by NordWood Themes &  Chinh Le Duc  on Unsplash

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Your Best Year Ever by Michael Hyatt (Buy it Now)

My Goals

I decided that I needed two categories for my goals last year, one for my family and one for my personal growth. I figured 5 goals for each was a realistic amount, not wanting to take the fun out of it by putting myself under too much pressure.

So, my goals were;

Family

  1. Develop a weekly routine that is structured yet allows flexibility for spontaneity and fun.
  2. Work on strengthening family dynamics (blended families can be a challenge).
  3. Schedule a “Family day” or “Family night” each week.
  4. Teach kids to set their own goals for the year.
  5. Structure a better family budget that helps us plan for bills, time off, birthdays, unexpected expenses and saving toward our own home.

Personal

  1. Increase blog posts to a minimum of twice per week.
  2. Open an online shop to increase household funds so that saving for a home will be more achievable.
  3. Change direction of Mum Life Stories blog to make it more inclusive.
  4. Finish writing at least one novel.
  5. Find a balance between work and family life.

All pretty nobel goals I believe, but all were based on the idea that my situation then would remain my current situation, which was not the case. I’ll explain as I go into more detail.

Family Goals:

1. Develop a weekly routine that is structured yet allows flexibility for spontaneity and fun. 

This one wasn’t a complete flop, but it wasn’t a complete success either. As far as a written schedule goes, I have not spent the envisaged copious hours on a structured, planned-out physical schedule that I can hang on the fridge and refer to on a daily basis etc. Our nightly routine and weekly one however has taken on a more structured shape so that the kids know when bedtime is and when play group is and when day care is, etc etc. When they get older I may take on the task of writing (or more likely typing) up a physical schedule that the kids can see and contribute to, but for now I think what we have is good enough.

2. Work on strengthening family dynamics

This is a pretty huge one that at first I thought was a failure, but now I realise was a success. See at the time I wrote it, my little blended family was experiencing tension, conflict and confusion. No one was really in a happy place, we were all feeling a little lost and under enormous pressure. My hope was to strengthen the family relationships to get our ship sailing in the right direction, but it became clear in time that the only way that was going to happen, was if we were sailing on two different ships.

So my blended family became a single parent family once again, with the two youngest kids moving from one ship during the week to another ship on the weekends. At first life got a little harder but the family dynamics on my ship were strengthened and vastly improved. We still have our drama’s like every family, no family is perfect after all, but everyone is that little bit lighter, a lot happier and we know we can rely on each other. Life is still tough at times but we get through it as a family.

3. Schedule a Family Day or Family Night each week.

This one proved to be tougher than I thought. Basically it hasn’t really happened yet, as a complete family anyway. With the little ones shuffling between houses and my two older boys starting jobs at nights on the weekends, it’s tough to organise a regular night or day when we are all together, so instead I make sure we always have dinner together at the dining table, every night that we are all at home and on the weekends I make myself available during the day to do something with my teens. We may not have a regular family night but we spend time together regularly.

4. Teach kids to set their own goals for the year.

Ok let’s just skip past this one because basically I forgot all about it. One to add to the new list though.

5. Structure a better family budget that helps us plan for bills, time off, birthdays, unexpected expenses and saving toward our own home.

Well since my financial position changed somewhat, it was difficult to structure any kind of budget. Part of my finances are consistent and regular while another part of my finances can sometimes arrive, while sometimes they do not. The part of my finances that is consistent just covers the weekly living expenses, while the inconsistent part covers large monthly and bi-monthly bills and all other expenses, so my way of budgeting is simply to buy what is most important with the consistent income and wait till the inconsistent income arrives to buy anything else and when it doesn’t come, pray and trust! We always get through but this year I’d really like to save toward some specific things, plus acquire another consistent income stream.

il_fullxfull.1842155457_sc6rHome Sweet Home sign (Buy it Now)

Personal Goals

1. Increase blog posts to a minimum of twice per week.

Once again, my first thoughts were “Yes, Success! This one I actually managed to achieve.” I worked hard all year to try and get at least 2 posts out each week. I thought there were just a few off weeks when kids had been sick or life had been crazy where I missed a few posts, but upon review of my site statistics I discovered that I only made 46 posts for the year, so that’s an average of not quite 1 post a week. Did I fail?

Well, even though I didn’t reach the target of 2 posts a week, I still doubled the amount of posts from the previous year. I increased the frequency of posts, I more than quadrupled my followers and my views increased 7 fold. I can’t be disappointed with that.

2. Open an online shop to increase household funds so that saving for a home will be more achievable.

Well, this one was successful and not at the same time. I did in fact open an online store, worked very hard to get it up and running and got some attention. I did not however get many sales. Also with my two little ones still at home, time proved to be a real issue. I could not dedicate the time and money required to market the store and maintain it, in order for it to be truly successful, plus I wasn’t getting enough time for this blog.

I had to sit back, do some soul searching and think about my reasons for opening the store. Number one was to develop a side income (which wasn’t happening) and number two was to prove to my ex, that I could be successful at something. It wasn’t long before I decided I didn’t need to prove anything to anyone other than myself and I decided that I needed to follow my heart and concentrate on what gave me the most joy. Ultimately I had to decide between the shop and the blog as I did not have the time, nor energy for both. Guess which one I chose?

3. Change direction of Mum Life Stories blog to make it more inclusive.

Well this is the one that I implemented straight after I made the resolutions. I did indeed change the direction of the blog. I believe I told more of other peoples stories than I did of my own and I tried to encourage people to interact more. This part didn’t go so well and although there were more likes on posts, there was not a huge increase in comments.

I did however begin writing competitions which encouraged people to submit their stories so I guess it could be considered a victory. This year I would like to open up a facebook group where Mother’s can share their stories in a safe, non-judgmental environment and find support.

4. Finish writing at least one novel.

Well this didn’t happen. I believe I completed one extra chapter as I spent most of my writing time, working on the blog. Unfortunately this year the extra spare time I thought I was going to get, was not forthcoming and life took quite a lot of energy out of me. I have one little one starting kindy this year so hopefully there will be a little more room to get that novel done as well as keeping up with the blog.

5. Find a balance between work and family life.

Last but not least the ultimate goal. The goal that every mum everywhere is constantly fighting to achieve. I can’t say that I have all my plates spinning at once in perfect unison, some are a bit wobbly and some are spinning too fast but that’s ok, because some plates are more important than others and some plates have to be given less priority. Family will always come first and everything else has to take its turn. Maybe I’ve just learnt to come to terms with that, rather than having everything perfectly balanced.



Lessons learned

So what have I learnt from setting ‘New Year’s Resolutions’ this year?

I hate New Year’s Resolutions! Here’s why;

The Oxford dictionary (Lexico.com) describes the word ‘resolution‘ as a firm decision to do or not to do something. Now, I don’t know about you, but I’m the kind of person who is very disappointed in myself if I don’t do something that I’ve made a very firm decision to do. If I was to look at these resolutions in that way, I would have to say I failed, that I didn’t accomplish much etc, but what if I looked at it a different way?

The Oxford dictionary (Lexico.com) describes the word ‘goal‘ as the object of a person’s ambition or effort; an aim or desired result. So a goal is something to strive for, something you ‘hope’ to achieve. I had ‘hoped’ to achieve all these resolutions but life is not black and white, it’s not predictable, you can’t just decide you definitely ‘are’ or definitely ‘are not’ going to do something because no one knows what the future holds, and there are so many variables to consider when deciding on a path, variables that could ultimately change your path. 

There are many disappointments in life, to be sure but there are also so many precious moments and positive events that we can overlook if we focus on the things we ‘didn’t’ accomplish. If we ‘resolve’ to do something and life changes our direction then we can be left feeling defeated and like a failure. 

That’s why I’ve decided not to do ‘New Year’s Resolutions’ this year, but to have ‘New Year Goals’ instead. A list of things I would like to accomplish and will make every effort to accomplish if it’s possible. If I don’t reach all of these goals, I will not condemn myself, I will make new goals that fit with where I am at. I will be happy and satisfied if I reach half my goals, like I have decided to be this year, with half my resolutions accomplished. 

This is not to say that resolutions are wrong, I absolutely believe that if you want something bad enough, you need to go for it with all your heart and mind and soul and never give up until you accomplish it, as long as you still believe in it. If life changes your priorities and that resolution no longer fits with your priorities, you need to be ok with letting it go. Having dreams and ambitions is different from having goals. Your dreams and ambitions are the end game and your goals are how you will play the game, but that’s an article for another time.

Have a very happy New Year and stay tuned for my ‘New Year Goals’ coming very soon.

Thanks

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‘Domesticating Mom’ with guest blogger Almondie Shampine

Jo Caddy

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Some of you may remember a Mum Life Story I posted back in October about a mum named Almondie Shampine. Almondie told us of her experience of being a working mum and how her perceptions and goals changed after her health took a turn for the worst. Now a stay at home mum, author, blogger and a book publisher she has graciously decided to share with us once again.

This touching, thought-provoking article describes the evolution of a Mother from a teen mum to a mum of teens and how her desperate cry for freedom was extinguished by the love of her children.

This page contains affiliate links which may earn me a commission (at no extra cost to you) if you click through and make a purchase. Affiliate links are how I keep this blog running, thank you.

Photo by Katie Emslie on Unsplash

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Domesticating Mom

11/5/19

I’m 37 today.

(Funny, aside of me visualizing a little dance, swaying my arms in front of me and behind me, while singing ‘It’s my birthday. It’s my birthday.’)

I hated my birthday for a good three or more decades. I’m sure many can relate. The birthday goes downhill the moment one’s mind gets caught up on it being ‘a special day’, and the expectations are quick to follow. One minor disappointment thus leads to frenzied overcompensation to make it ‘the best birthday ever’. It becomes an emotional roller coaster, as what goes up must inevitably come down, and special occasions are full of those ups and downs.

I became a teen parent, pregnant in my 18th year of life. Instead of sending out my wedding invitations, which had been the original plan, I was making phone calls to share the news of my pregnancy with the shamed side note that there wouldn’t be a wedding, as my then-fiance had walked, taking all my dreams of my desired and aspired-for future with him and changing the entire course of my life.

A whole life ahead of me, a life I’d barely just begun, and I was to be a Mom, first and foremost, for the rest of my life, and a single Mom, at that. Three years away from being able to have a legal cocktail, yet responsible for raising and supporting a tiny human all on my own. I could no longer fit in with people my age due to being a Mom. When they were partying downstairs or next door to me, I would outwardly complain that their music was too loud, their swearing too much, or that the stench of their pot-smoking was making its way into my apartment, while feelings of loneliness and betrayal ate away at me on the inside, because they’d been my friends, and not a single one of them made that 13-step trek up the stairs or took the three steps next door to my apartment to see how I was doing – not throughout my pregnancy or thereafter. They’d stopped inviting me, stopped asking me to drive them places, stopped even asking if we could talk or if I could give them advice on something they were going through. It was as though I just stopped existing.

I began frequenting places where I could find other Moms, such as parks, and tried making friends with coworkers that had kids, but they looked at me like I was too young and would treat me like the ‘typical teenager’ that I couldn’t be, wasn’t allowed to be, and would never be able to be. Many times I made the mistake of thinking that interested males were making the choice of wanting to be with me, while accepting I had a child. I assumed that meant they knew that I was looking for commitment, so it would devastate me when, after the fact, they’d tell me they weren’t ready for a family, or didn’t want to be a family guy. It confounded me to no end. Until I watched movies like American Pie and all-the-rage young adult movies at that time that talked about MILFS, single moms being perceived as ‘being more experienced’, and the idea that single moms or older or more mature women were great for casual affairs, but nothing more than that. This led to many years of false hopes.



Time was my enemy. It was torture. Being so young, it seemed to pass intolerably slow. It was only thoughts of the future that kept me dragging myself out of bed most days on so little sleep. At first, it was just waiting for me to be old enough for people to start respecting me and taking me seriously. I creeped through my 19th year; my 20th year passed even more slowly. My 21st birthday was celebrated with my Mom, because I’d lost all my friends. For a short time, between my 21st and 22nd year, I believed I’d found the person I’d spend my life with, and the years prior faded away as having all been worth it during that time. …Until he disclosed that he didn’t want to be a family guy after it was disclosed to him that I was carrying his child. 0 for 2. 2 children conceived from 2 different guys that weren’t ready to be a father by the time I was 22. I could kiss any future, healthy prospective relationship goodbye; nor could I ever hope to be respected for anything other than being that single Mom with two kids from two different fathers.

My 22nd birthday was spent pregnant and alone, just like my 19th. My 23rd spent trying to get back on my feet after having lost everything due to childcare being more than I could make with a full-time job. My 24th was spent battling for my life. Single Mom, poor, living in the worst (cheapest) side of the city, not having any friends or any family that would even notice my absence for quite some time, made me a really easy target for predators. That was the year I began counting down the days. Every exhausted night before bed, I would put an x on the calendar marking the end of another day. I began celebrating the end of every week, the end of every month, the end of every year. It showed me forward movement. The passage of time.

Every birthday, I hated, because all it meant to me was just the beginning of a new year, where I’d have to fight through another 364 days to get to the end of it. I’d count down the years of my children being grown. 15 more years. 12 more years. 10 more years. All I could feel was time just looming ahead. So much time. Too much time. Every year I was crushed with the overwhelming anxiety that I would not be able to make it through another year. I’d barely made it through the last, how would I possibly make it through another? I felt terribly alone. Terribly lonely.

My heart had been made to love. I was a lover. A nurturer. A helper. I wanted a family. A full family. A true family. I wanted a partner to share my life with. I wanted the forever. I wanted marriage. I wanted the growing-old with someone. I needed deep connections. Needed someone I could call my best friend. I felt like a neglected flower – once so full of bloom and vibrancy, wilting and withering away to decay.

I waited for people my age to catch up to me. I watched them form partnerships, get married, and begin families of their own. I looked forward to cookouts, our kids getting together, family-oriented celebrations and parties, but still, I didn’t belong. My kids didn’t belong. I was never invited, nor would anyone else show when I threw cookouts of my own. My kids were much older than their kids. Those parents were married living married life. The last thing they wanted was a young single mother, a bachelorette, walking around to remind their men of the single life. I would try to make friends with my children’s friend’s parents, but my youth and my being unmarried maintained me as being the oddball out.

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‘Mangoes & Monkey bread’ by Emily Joop (Buy it now)

Every future hope that would keep me waking to the present and keep me tackling each and every day would never come to pass, where I’d grasp on to another future hope, all relative to the passage of time, to my children getting older with me inevitably getting older alongside them. Me holding onto the optimistic view of it being a good thing I started my family young because I’d still be fairly young when they were grown, was crucial towards my continued hopes that one day … One day things would be different.

One day I’d be able to go on those road trips. One day I’d be able to experience that youth I missed out on. One day I’d be able to go bar-hopping, or go dancing, or be able to have a fancy date. One day I’d know what it’s like to go to a spa, or to a hairdresser, and I’d know what it’s like to spoil myself, pamper my body, get all dressed up and go out on the town. One day I’d be able to attract a decent man without him being turned off by me having children, and I’d be able to have friends and go out to eat and be a human being, a person, a woman, and not just a Mom. I’d be able to cherish romance and walk around naked again and spend an entire day luxuriating in physical pleasantries and allowing myself to feel love, both the giving and the receiving of it, uninhibited. I’d finally be able to live my dreams fully, and commit myself to them 100 percent, instead of so frequently having to put them on the backburner. I’d finally be able to have the life I was supposed to have, the life I was meant to have.

All these years I thought I was raising and grooming my children to get them to the point of being adults. I thought I was getting them through all the developmental milestones of being full grown. I thought I was training them to survive independently, self-sufficiently from me. As a mom, it was my number one job to support them, provide them safety and security, guide them through their growing years, teach them how to overcome those obstacles in life – first, to carry them, second, to be their step-ladder, and third, to be their spotter as they made their way over those hurdles all on their own. It was my sacrifice to them. 18 years of putting their needs, wants, dreams, desires, over my own while my life remained dormant. On pause. Waiting. Waiting for the time when I could start living again.

37 years old. I’m celebrating the passage of those 18 birthdays that I waited for for so long. I’m looking back. Shaking my head in wonder. Realizing that I’d gotten it all wrong all along. Like a wild feral cat that only lives for their own survival, their own comfort, their own needs and desires, I was captured in a crate just by the beating of my kids’ hearts, imprisoned within a home that always had to have heat, and food, and a place to sleep. No matter how much I mewled and scratched at the door to escape, they would distract my attention away by wanting to play with me or forcing me to curl up with them. They never left me unsupervised, and would always call me back if I strayed too far.

They forced me to take care of myself. Made me get up when all I wanted to do was sleep. Made me eat when all I wanted to do was starve. Made me fight to live for everyday I felt like dying, and even saved my life when I actually was dying. They urged me to swim when I was drowning and made me weather every storm. First, they taught me to climb mountains, and then they made me move them. They showed me that no obstacle is too high and that dead-end roads are only an illusion -there’s no end of the road, only a road not yet built. They showed me that the only thing truly impossible in my life was the ability to give up. They were scrupulous and rigid. Demanding and inflexible. They’d conditioned me by rewarding me with happiness when I was on my best behaviors, and simply ignoring me when I was not. Not once did they give up hope. Not once did they lose faith. No matter how much I resisted.

With patience and unrelenting vigor, they kept at it, day after day, week after week, year after year, for 18 years. And then on this birthday, they gave me my most-desired gift. They opened the door and they offered me my freedom. “You deserve it, Mom. Go have fun. It’s your special day. Do whatever you want.” I stood at the door, looking out, listening for that call of the wild that had been so strong and enticing for so many years; it sounded so differently than it did before. Cold. Dark. Mournful. Lonely. Miserable.

That’s when I knew. All along, my children had been grooming me for 18 years. Taming me. Domesticating me. I never would have survived out there in the wild. My heart too big. I was never cut out to be a hunter or to prey on other things. Nor was I ever capable of running with a pack. I wasn’t a follower, but neither did I have what it took to lead. I would have been the hunted of the hunter, the preyed upon of the predator, the hider of the seeker. Instead, my children provided me safety and security, warmth and belonging, nurture and affection, and a forever family, giving me my best chance to become my best self. All while letting me believe that I was raising them and providing them the tools they needed to survive without me, it was they all along providing me the skills I needed to survive without them.

Almondie

You can visit Almondie’s website at www.freebirdexpresspublishing.com or follow her blog at www.freebirdexpresspublishing.blogspot.com

If your on Quora, you’ll find her profile here https://www.quora.com/profile/Almondie-Shampine

And you’ll find her books for sale on Amazon HERE (Available in both paperback and e-book).

Thanks

Thanks for reading this blog, I hope you find inspiration and motivation from these posts and that you might find the courage to reach out to us and share your own Mum Life Story. Don’t forget to follow us (bottom of page) or sign up to our mailing list for all the latest news, stories and promo’s including giveaways and writing competitions, plus receive a FREE Ebook exclusive to email subscribers.

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With this ebook you will learn to approach your days in another way, reducing stress and getting results through prioritizing, leveraging and focus!

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Mangoes & Monkey Bread: A Mum Life Success Story.

Jo Caddy

 

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“Take the first Step, everything begins with the first step.”

At Mum Life Stories we are passionate about helping women (especially mums) to discover their own true identity and to develop the confidence they need to pursue their dreams. Discovering your identity is all about embracing who you are, your personality, your character, your body, mind & spirit, your culture, your background and all the experiences (good & bad) that make up your unique ‘life story’.

Sometimes life can take us out of our comfort zone or put us into situations where it can be difficult to maintain a sense of belonging, which in turn can foster a detachment of our self-awareness and identity. Knowing who we are and where we come from, is very significant in developing that sense of identity and helping us to embrace ‘who we are’ so we can start journeying toward ‘who we want to be’.

Emily Joof is one woman who knows who she is and is passionate about teaching her children and other children about discovering who they are and where they come from. She has recently self-published her first book ‘Mangoes & Monkey bread’ in the hopes of bridging the gap between her family’s life in Sweden and their heritage in West Africa. She was kind enough to share the inspiration for her story and the process behind it with me, so I could share it with all my awesome readers. 

This page contains affiliate links that may earn me a commission (at no extra cost to you) if you click through and make a purchase. Affiliate links are how I keep this blog running, thank you!



Emily

Emily (2)

A couple of months ago you might remember me posting a Mum Life Success Story about a lady who opened a Cafe in Africa (Cassy’s Cafe: A Mum Life Success Story)? That lady (Cassy) grew up in Sweden and now lives in The Gambia but Emily grew up in The Gambia and now lives in Sweden. I just thought I should clarify that in case the details seem a little familiar but you can’t quite put your finger on why, haha. 

Emily was born in Nigeria but grew up in The Gambia. As a young adult she moved around Europe for study, but eventually settled in Stockholm, Sweden when she got engaged to Charles and they decided that greener pastures and a family friendly city was the life they were looking for.

Emily is a Mother to two brilliant children, Ella (6yrs old ) and Louis (3yrs old). She is an Education Advisor who works in international development. She told me “I have always been passionate about development work, specifically working with children and youth and have been lucky enough to build a career doing something that means so much to me.”

As well as her full-time job, Emily is also a blogger, and an author of children’s books. She recently self-published her first book ‘Mangoes & Monkey Bread‘ in English and Swedish. 

Inclusion has always been at the heart of everything Emily does “but I only recently linked it to children’s literature. I blog about diversity in children books and try to provide some nuance to the larger conversation.  It is important for me to remind us all that inclusion is a human right, one that we promised children everywhere through the United Nations Convention on ‘The Right of the Child’. So we don’t only do ‘inclusion’ from the goodness of our heart, or when we have time, or when we have room for diversity,  we have an ‘obligation’ to every child that they feel reflected, that they feel loved, cared for, protected and heard.” 

Emily says her next book in 2020 will be for children and their parents to celebrate these rights.

The Birth of Mangoes & Monkeybread

Ella and fav books
Ella with some of her favourite books

As parents we want what is best for our children. We want them to know and love themselves, to have a positive self image so they can face the world with confidence. Most of us are also willing to go to great lengths to make sure they have every opportunity to achieve this. Emily is certainly one of those parents. “Diversity in children’s literature became the answer to one of my most challenging moments in life.  Like all children, my daughter then aged 4, struggled to find a space where she felt she belonged. She didn’t feel part of the norm, she felt unpretty, she didn’t want to be brown, she didn’t want to be different anymore.” 

Being in a country outside of their cultural heritage did not make it easy for Ella to feel like she belonged. “This universal experience of otherness was amplified by a mainly homogenous Scandinavian environment, and the one thing that lifted her spirits and got her singing again, was books. I had spent hours ordering in books, talking to librarians, reading to her, reminding her of the beauty in her brown, and sparkle in her curls. The message got through, one page at a time.” 

Reading these books became their ritual and their remedy. So together they read more and Emily blogged more. “One spring after a wonderful trip to The Gambia, filled with amazing moments with their grandparents, my kids asked for a bedtime story that had mangoes in it. Ella wanted to see the ‘spiky fruit’ she had eaten from grandma’s tree. She wanted to see the frozen green ditakh, that had been ordered just for her, so I started my search again and realised there wasn’t a single childrens book out there, that showed some of the fruits native to west africa that I myself had eaten pretty much every day when I was their age.”

This lack of availability of relevant children’s literature is what inspired Emily to launch her career as an author. “So I compiled our memories and discussions and ‘Mangoes and Monkey bread’ was born. I realised there must be generations of children from the West African diaspora who couldn’t find themselves in the narratives available.” 

Emily was moved by the obvious need for not only her children and other West African children to learn about their own heritage, but for children of the world to discover the diversities of another culture. “I want to share our stories as far and wide as I can. In my house we read about galaxies, about sushi, we learn about nomads and Latin American festivals, we open up our children’s world and encourage to discover. We want African diasporan culture, colors, stories, to be part of that journey of discovery for all children.” 

Emily’s book is available on Amazon Kindle and in Paperback form.

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Mangoes & Monkey bread (Buy it Now)

Balance

Ella and mum

Something I always ask my Mum Life Success Story Mums is “How do you find balance, if you do?” Emily answered “Last year a friend asked me if I had a new year’s resolution for 2019. I said I didn’t, but I hoped to learn how to do one thing at a time. I can tell you now, I have failed miserably. I want to do everything, all at once, motherhood, parenting, writing, publishing, mentoring, traveling, inspiring, everything! Perhaps I simply find balance in the imbalance. 

In reality balance to me is more about a feeling of fulfillment which I see in my daughter’s eyes when she tells people, ever so proudly, that she is a character in a book, or my son pointing at the illustration saying ‘mummy its me’..everything in my life is balanced perfectly knowing they feel that self worth.”


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The Future

I asked Emily where she saw herself in 5 years. “In 5 years, I hope to be a happy mom, with independent self-assured kids who still come to me with their secrets and for cuddles from time to time.  I hope to be a person who has inspired someone to believe in themselves and take a leap towards whatever that dream is that makes their heart beat, that little bit faster.  I think the biggest obstacle for me is time. Time to do it all, fit it all in 24 hours a day, everyday.

Advice

Emily’s advice to anyone who has a dream they are not sure how to chase, is short and sweet but to the point and so simple it’s perfect. “Go for it, reach out to me if needed. Take the first step; everything begins with the first step.” 

You can read Emily’s blog Here

Follow her on Facebook at Mbife Books or Instagram @mbife_books/

 

Thanks

Thank you for reading this blog, I hope and pray that you receive inspiration and motivation from these posts to go forth and chase your dreams. Don’t forget to follow us (bottom of page) or sign up to our mailing list to keep up to date with all the latest stories, news & promos including giveaways and writing competitions, plus receive a FREE Ebook, exclusive to our email subscribers.

 

Get your FREE Ebook

Accomplish more IN a fraction of the time

The pace and intensity of our lives, both at work and at home, leave many of us feeling like a person riding a frantically galloping horse. Our day-to-day incessant busyness — too much to do and not enough time.

With this ebook you will learn to approach your days in another way, reducing stress and getting results through prioritizing, leveraging and focus!

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HURD & CO – A Mum Life Success Story

Jo Caddy

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Hey everyone, I’m finally back. 3 weeks of sick kids, sleep deprivation and no time for anything has finally ended and I have a day off to get some writing done. Procrastination has stolen my morning but my determination to bring you this months Mum Life Success Story has finally won out and here I am typing, typing, typing with a thousand thoughts running through my head about what I need to get done for Christmas and my sons second birthday on the weekend.

Isn’t that just a typical Mum Life Story though? I mean, there’s always so many things to do and to organise, it’s a never ending juggling act of priorities and responsibilities that go through seasonal ups and downs where we sometimes have it all together and perfectly balanced and other times we have to put some priorities on pause while we attend to the most important responsibilities in our lives.

What’s important is that we don’t let those momentary deviations reroute us, but we get back on the horse so to speak and get back to juggling and balancing our butts off! Perseverance is the key if we want to succeed in those goals we have, to make our dreams a reality. Perseverance and hard work, nothing can beat it!

One lady who’s perseverance and hard work has seen her, in her own words, evolve from a table top scarf seller to an influential ethical fashion brand, is Dawn Hurd, founder of Hurd & Co.  Dawn is basically a one-woman fashion store. The designer, the maker, the marketing department, admin department, finance department, etc, etc and her hand-made products are winning awards and getting her noticed in the world of ethical business.

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This page contains affiliate links which may earn me a commission if you click on them and make a purchase. Affiliate links are how I keep this blog running, thank you.

About Dawn

79006369_2395247054058059_4218456173063438336_nDawn Hurd lives in Somerset, England with her husband, affectionately known as Mr. H,  (whom she started dating when she was 17) and their 3 children, Joshua 16, Jake 11 and Olivia 10. She is 46, a wife, a mum, a part time admin assistant for her husbands construction business and a mumtrepreneur.

Dawn didn’t always know what her business would be one day but she always had an entrepreneurial spirit. She says “I grew up in a small village in Somerset surrounded by family and open fields. I scrumped apples, played in hay barns, scuffed my knees and rode horses. I started my first business when I was 13 making and selling jewellery to holiday makers from the local pub.”

After leaving school, she couldn’t settle “I worked in a yoghurt factory, I picked peas, I drove a 7 ½ tonne lorry for parcel force, I worked as a cashier, a cleaner and a barmaid before settling as a lifeguard, then Gym Manager and eventually started a successful Fitness & Lifestyle Consultancy.”

Dawn loved the fitness side of her business and business was booming with 3 local council contracts as a GP Referral Coordinator. “I worked as a link between the GP’s, referring patients with medical conditions like asthma, angina, arthritis, diabetes, etc. I worked to educate them and increase their confidence so they could get into mainstream gyms. I did a bit of cardiac rehabilitation work also, which I loved.”


A Change of Trajectory

Things were going really well, but sometimes life can throw us a curveball and we are forced to change our trajectory in a completely different direction.  “Due to 8 miscarriages, I was advised to stop exercising as my doctor felt I was over doing it. We have since discovered, due to a bone fracture, that I have Coeliac Disease causing malnutrition which caused the miscarriages as well as Osteoporosis.”

So the fitness side of things had to be scaled right down, but just three months later she was pregnant again, this time with her son who is now sixteen years old. Dawn turned her attention toward her family and became a stay-at-home mum, but the entrepreneur in her could not be silenced and she ended up running a craft business called Ribbons and Rosebuds.

But it wasn’t until 2016 and three beautiful children later, that the opportunity would present itself for her now successful, ethically sustainable business. “In early 2016 a friend popped in for lunch. She spotted a scarf I had made and asked me to make fifteen scarves for an upcoming fashion show she was assisting with. They sold out. This was the beginning of Hurd & Co. I managed to convince my husband this was a good idea, he gave me £400 which I have since paid him back…….with interest.”

As most mums know, juggling a family, work and a life is no easy task and finding the dreaded ‘B’ word can sometimes be an exercise in futility. I always ask my interviewee’s how they find balance and the answers are always different. For Dawn, balance takes the form of ‘self care’.  “I ‘attempt’ to dress in workout gear every morning for the school run so that when I return I have no distractions from getting onto my mountain bike and cycling every morning straight from school……However this does take second, third, fourth place more than it should. On days where I need head space I head to the nearest woodland. I cannot describe how at peace I feel when I’m surrounded by trees and nature, it’s a good place for me to be. I also feel a huge amount of pressure to inspire my children, especially my daughter, I want them to see that hard work really pays off. They are the Co. in Hurd & Co and they help me whenever they can.”

Three years later, Dawn has a whole range of products and her business is championing conscious fashion. On her website, you’ll see that Hurd & Co are committed to providing a sustainable, ethical business model in accordance with the United Nations Sustainable Development Goals. So not only is her business becoming more successful, but it is playing a huge role in reducing the environmental footprint of the production industry.

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This success is now being recognised by the industry.

“In early September this year I headed up to the NEC in Birmingham to the Spring Fair to receive an award for Fashion Accessory of the Year ‘Made in Britain’ category, from the BTAA (British Travel goods Handbags & Accessories Association). It is the greatest highlight for the business so far. I still catch myself smiling in disbelief that I actually won, I am thrilled to bits.”

 

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Obstacles

I asked Dawn what the biggest obstacle was in moving forward in the business and how she overcomes it and she said “My biggest obstacle is lack of funds, however, this has always been my largest hurdle and up to now through determination, creativity, collaboration and hard work I have managed, on a shoestring, to grow the business. I shall continue with the belief that if I work hard enough for it I will achieve it and although it may take me a little longer to get to the point where I have a large enough budget to invest in my business I am under no illusion that there will ever be enough money in the budget because there will always be opportunities requiring cash investment. Sales equal income, so for now I need to get my head down and keep knitting.

I believe Dawn is an awesome example of how perseverance and determination can turn opportunities into successes. Dawn didn’t get where she is because of a university degree, or lot’s of cash or a huge following on social media. She is where she is because she believed it could happen and she took the opportunity when it came and worked hard to make it happen.

The Future

Dawns business is already involved in some great causes, she is an official supporter for the Campaign for Wool, she supports the Global Goals for Sustainable Development and 10% of her customers purchases are directly donated to the mental health charity MIND. When I asked her where she saw herself and the business in 5 years, she said that in 5 years she will:

  1. Have set up community Sit & Knit sessions for elderly people living in rural communities who are suffering with loneliness, isolation or depression issues. Welcoming them to gather together to drink tea, eat cake, knit and natter in a safe environment where they can share any worries, concerns laughs and tears all funded by Hurd & Co.
  2. Have donated a minimum of £1000 to charities dealing with loneliness, isolation and depression.
  3. I will have a team, a group of women employees knitting my collections allowing me the time to develop the business.
  4. I will be mentoring other women hoping to start their journey to running their own successful business.

I can’t wait to interview her again in 5 years and see if she has indeed reached all these goals but I am sure that she will have not only reached them but far exceeded them.

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Advice

Dawn‘s advice for anyone looking at delving into the world of mumtrepreneurship (should definitely be a word) is “Download the Youtube app. Being a mumtrepreneur can be an extremely lonely place where ‘Imposter Syndrome’ creeps into my head daily. I am constantly listening to motivational speakers, podcasts, ‘how to’ tutorials etc.
My time, like yours, is so very precious, so if whilst I’m making beds or hoovering I can have my earphones on with Tony Robbins motivating me to believe in my abilities, to work for my goals or Jasmine Star explaining how to nail social media or an SEO ‘how to’ tutorial to educate myself to take the business further, I come away feeling I have been super productive with my time and I feel inspired to give the business my all for another day. I have had some huge failures which have eventually resulted in lots of lessons of what not to do, so that eventually I can learn from my mistakes and start again. Having the school of You Tube behind me assists me in learning for free.”

When it comes down to it, no one’s story is exactly the same. We all have obstacles to overcome, failures to learn from, fear to fight and losses to recoup, but if we stay the course, learn from our experiences and never give up, we can accomplish anything.

If you’d like to see Dawn’s work, you can visit her website www.hurdandco.com or follow her on Instagram.

 “Failure doesn’t bother me, fear and regret do.” ~ Dawn Hurd

Thanks

Thank you for reading this blog, if you’d like to have your story featured just like Dawn’s, please email us at mumlifestories@gmail.com

Don’t forget to sign up to our mailing list for all the latest stories, news & promos, including giveaway’s and writing competitions. Plus receive a FREE ebook exclusive to our email subscribers.

Get your FREE Ebook

Accomplish more IN a fraction of the time

The pace and intensity of our lives, both at work and at home, leave many of us feeling like a person riding a frantically galloping horse. Our day-to-day incessant busyness — too much to do and not enough time.

With this ebook you will learn to approach your days in another way, reducing stress and getting results through prioritizing, leveraging and focus!

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Our Life Stories: In Chapters

Jo Caddy

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As our name suggests, we are all about life stories here on Mum Life Stories, duh!

I know in my own life, my story has influenced my views, my opinions, my fears, my goals, my dreams, my past, my present and my future. My story so far, has brought me to the place and position I am in today, with the attitude I have and the outlook I perceive for tomorrow. Good and bad, my character and identity has been shaped by the story I have lived up until this point, but my story isn’t finished yet, and neither is yours!



This page contains affiliate links which may earn me a commission if you follow them and make a purchase. These affiliate links are what help me to keep this blog going.
Photo by Jaredd Craig on Unsplash

Chapters

I believe our lives are made up of many many chapters, all coming together to create a complete life story. We learn and grow through these chapters, becoming stronger and wiser for the next chapter. Many of us have chapters we’d rather forget, chapters that wounded us, chapters that broke us beyond our worst fears, but chances are those chapters refined us, made other chapters easier to deal with or gave us a deeper understanding or appreciation for those chapters.

If you look back on your life so far, I am sure you could find some chapters that have made you the person you are today. Chapters that if you were to erase them, you would not be so strong or resilient or determined. Chapters that were vital in building your character and resilience to the world in which we are all forced to face every single day.

Those chapters that you’ve already been through, could be the same chapters that others are currently facing, chapters which they feel they will never recover from or find a way out of. Your experience in those chapters could prove to be more than just a growth experience for you, they could be a teaching experience for many others.

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Your Chapters Could Be An Inspiration To Others

Learning about your story could inspire many, motivate them and encourage them to believe there is a better chapter coming, that no chapter lasts forever and that each chapter is just a small part of their complete life story, a story that is not over yet.

My goal with this blog is to share of and in the life stories of Mothers all around the world. To encourage, inspire and motivate Mum’s to discover their own unique life story and in it discover their own identity. To embrace and love that identity and truly realise their worth.

If you believe you have a story to tell, no matter how significant, that could help even one person to find hope, I encourage you to share it with us. You don’t have to be a writer (that’s what I’m here for), you just have to be able to write it down (or type it up) and send it to me in an email. I will work with you to get your story up in front of hundreds of eyes and into hundreds of minds.

If only one person is touched by your story, only one person is changed, only one person is inspired, I guarantee you it’s worth it. That life story you affect could go on to affect a hundred, a thousand, maybe even a million other life stories in the future. You may never see the effect but you can smile to yourself, knowing that your story is out there and one day, whether it’s today or tomorrow, someone, somewhere will read it and change the direction of their life story in a positive way.

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Your Best Year Ever: A 5-Step Plan for Achieving Your Most Important Goals

Get Motivated

If your feeling motivated right now to tell your story, don’t hesitate, send me an email at mumlifestories@gmail.com because as I know myself, if I put it off, chances are it won’t get done. Even if you just send a quick note (use the form below) to let me know that your interested in sharing your story, I can follow you up and keep you motivated to get it done.

Let’s work together to keep one another on the path that leads to a happy ending!

Don’t forget to sign up to our mailing list, for all the latest stories, news and promos (including giveaways and writing comps) plus receive a FREE Ebook, exclusive to our subscribers!

Get your FREE Ebook

Accomplish more IN a fraction of the time

The pace and intensity of our lives, both at work and at home, leave many of us feeling like a person riding a frantically galloping horse. Our day-to-day incessant busyness — too much to do and not enough time.

With this ebook you will learn to approach your days in another way, reducing stress and getting results through prioritizing, leveraging and focus!

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