momlife

How To Find Balance: Is It Even Possible?

Jo Caddy

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Hi everyone, it’s been a while since I wrote a post on ‘Mum Life’ and I apologize for that. I’ve been pretty wrapped up with our micro-fiction writing competitions, starting a new business venture (I’ll tell you all about it in a couple of months) and taking care of my family, but I decided this morning I was going to dedicate at least an hour of my time writing this post before it flies clean out of my head like a paper napkin out of the car window.

After dropping my older kids off at school Monday morning this week, I was driving home and my head was quickly filling up with all the things that ‘needed’ to be done. Phone calls to make, bills to pay, daycare to organize, decisions to be made about my direction this year, cars to book in for repairs, shopping to be done, school runs, daycare and kindy runs, etc etc etc. You know how it is as a mum, Monday hits and the weight of the entire week starts loading itself upon your shoulders until you can barely breathe from the weight of it. You think about everything that has to be done and how little time you have to do it in and anxiety starts creeping in. If your not careful and don’t get a handle on it as soon as possible, Mum Life Burnout can happen and we all know how bad that can be for ourselves and our family.

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You can have it all, or can you?

All over social media and throughout blogs and magazines etc, there’s this sometimes subtle and sometimes not so subtle message that “all” women can have it “all”, “all” the time, as long as it’s perfectly balanced! It’s the subject of many books, articles and heck, even I ask the question of all my ‘Mum Life Success Story’ mums, “how do you find balance?” This quest to find balance in our lives as women (not just mums, because we are women first) seems to be an ongoing battle that has become the ‘holy grail’ of womanhood. That which must be attained at all costs if we are to find peace and contentment in our lives.

Well I want to challenge the theory that we need to find that ‘perfect balance’ to be content, and even that ‘perfect balance’ is something that is possible at all. See the idea of balance is that we are giving equal attention to all aspects of our lives or at least to the most important aspects. I don’t know about you but my head is constantly overwhelmed with how many things I’m supposed to stack onto those scales to get the balance I need.

  • Being a good mum (i.e. being always available for all my kids needs, I have 5)
  • Taking care of the household (making sure we have a clean, tidy, functional home)
  • Working on financial independence (whether it’s studying or building a business)
  • Maintaining self-care (me-time, personal growth, rest, etc)
  • As a Christian, maintaining my faith (this includes building on my relationship with Jesus, attending and volunteering at church, establishing relationships with members of my church family and being available for God to use me in the lives of others)

Now these are just the most important things and you can already see that it’s a lot to try and balance, and there’s not much room left for anything else. When I think about all the things that are important to me and consider that they need to be perfectly balanced, it feels like a “suicide mission”, and what I mean is that I’m setting out on a mission with a high probability of failure. I’m setting myself up to feel defeated, useless, disappointed and out of control. This once again can open me up to Mum Life Burnout, where Mum Life Fatigue and Depression can steal my peace and my productivity. That constant quest for Balance can be the very thing that makes me feel like I am not good enough, like I am not doing enough, achieving enough, like I within myself am ‘not enough’. Anyone else feel like that?

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Do we need to find balance?

So the question is, do we need to find balance, is it something we should be aiming for? In my opinion….yes and no. We need to balance our lives so that one aspect isn’t consuming every ounce of our time at the expense of the other aspects of our lives but at the same time the pursuit of this ‘balance’ can drive us crazy and create ‘imbalance’ in our hearts.

I can see how this would be confusing, so let me explain.

Like I mentioned earlier, I ask all my ‘Mum Life Success Story‘ mums how they find balance (if they do) and the answers are almost always the same in that ‘they don’t’. What they do do, is make family their main priority. Their families come first and anything else they do has to be juggled around that. Now anyone who has a family will know that things rarely go to plan and cannot be boxed into a particular time frame.

Have you ever been at work or Uni/College/Tafe etc, and received a phone call from your child’s school or daycare centre, informing you your child is ill and you need to come and pick them up asap? I’m sure most of us have been there. Your going about your business, feeling capable, productive and in control of your schedule and life, and then BAM, your schedule and your ‘balance’ is thrown off and everything is tossed to the wind because you now have to face a boss, lecturer, clients or yourself (if your self employed) and inform them, you cannot do what you’ve committed to do that day because you have to go collect a child and be a mother for the rest of the day.

How do you deal with this? With strength and poise and calmness and a spring in your step? (Congrats if you do) or is it more like a heavy weight has been thrown onto your scales, tipping it completely off balance in favour of one side? Does it make you feel deflated? Angry? Irritable and short on patience? I know I’ve been there. I’ve finally gotten into a good routine (me last week) and I feel like I’m killing it with how evenly my scales are tipped and then something will once again throw it off balance and my balance ‘high’ comes crashing down and I feel resentful (again, me last week). This often shows in my attitude and behaviour toward my family, the most important aspect of my life. In turn I once again feel like I’m failing at life, failing at everything I’ve been put on this planet to do.

In situations like this we can feel like nothing is ever completely balanced because life can be unpredictable. If we think of balance as having all the important aspects of our lives equally divided and adhering to strict measurements and time frames etc etc, then we will inevitably fail to find balance. Life and especially family does not ever stick to a tight schedule. So how can we give time to all the important areas of our lives and not feel defeated and out of control when the scales get tipped in one direction or the other.

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Is Our Idea Of Balance Unbalanced?

Let me explain this using some illustrations, because if your like me (a visual learner) you’ll understand things better if your shown rather than told.

So if we imagine our life like a giant scale that’s evenly balanced with all the important aspects of our lives equally divided up on each side we can see how ‘balance’ is designed to work. For the purpose of getting this post done quicker, I will keep it simple with just four aspects.

Let’s say we have one block for family (this includes all the things that we need to do with and for our families including relationships with spouses or partners), one block for work (this can include all aspects of work and or study etc, if your doing one or the other that is), one block for self care (this includes ‘me time’, hobbies, exercise and other health related things) and one block entitled ‘other’ which is everything else we consider important in our lives (extra study, time with friends, volunteer projects, church commitments etc etc).

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So the idea of balance is that all areas of our lives that are important to us need to be equally divided in order for the scales to be even. When family life happens, as it does, we see something like this, with family taking up more time than any other aspect.

Scales 2

This of course throws everything out of balance and in order to get things back in balance something has to suffer and usually it’s our sleep or self-care. Then the inevitable burn-out happens and even though we’ve gotten all our priorities back into a balanced place our bodies, our mindset and our sanity is all out of whack and maintaining balance in our life becomes a futile task once again.

Solution

So how do we find balance in our daily or weekly lives without losing our sanity and peace in the process?

It’s all about our mind set, our main priority and our attitude toward it. The truth is as I’m sure most of you already know, that family should always be our main priority. If we neglect this aspect of our lives, we inevitably lose it. Kids grow up, lose touch because there’s no connection anymore, they have families and repeat the cycle over again. Our attitude toward community I believe can be directly linked to our attitude toward family.

If family is not our main priority then community also takes a back seat. This can mean that we often isolate ourselves, fail to establish connections with others and ultimately spend a great deal of our lives alone, unconnected, unsupported and struggling. I’m not saying this is true in all cases and that all disconnection and isolation comes from a lack of quality family life, it’s a complex issue with so many variables and contributing factors that it would take 10 books to cover it all, but not making family our most important and valuable treasure in life can affect not just ourselves but our children in the long run.

So what I suggest is a change of heart or mindset as to what creates balance. Instead of trying to assign equal time to each aspect of our lives, maybe family should be the main aspect that we focus on. Assigning more importance to family than anything else, giving it more of our attention and time and focus would make the scales look something like this.

SCALES 3

What this means for the other aspects of our lives

We all know that if we overload ourselves with too much to do, we inevitably burn out and then we are no good to anyone or anything.

I know it’s important to make money, for without it we cannot live, our families cannot live and the cost of living these days far exceeds most basic incomes, but what I’m saying is do we need that brand new fancy car, that yearly vacation, that latest technology, that bigger house etc etc? Are there things we are living for, working for that are taking priority over our families so that whenever the inevitable family life happens and we are forced to put it first, we are feeling out of balance and losing our cool?

Our kids are only with us for such a short time, a lot of us are pushing for careers, lifestyles and incomes that go above and beyond simply providing for our families. We reach a goal in life and the satisfaction is momentary and we are setting a new higher goal for the next momentary satisfaction. The world has become consumed with “self” and achieving for “self” so we can feel fulfilled as a human being etc etc etc, but focusing on self, what we can achieve, what we can earn, what we can get, what we can ‘feel’ from all of that, means putting our families into a little box that is the same size as all the other little boxes in our lives and we can sometimes resent it when that little box tries to grow and outweigh the other little boxes, leading our families, our spouses, our children etc feeling unimportant, unheard, unseen and looking for all those things in all the wrong places.

As I write this I feel like it’s going in so many different directions that need expanding on which would equal at least one book, so I will sum up my thoughts (and these are just my thoughts, I’m no expert) into two more paragraphs.


Conclusion

Instead of striving for balance in all areas of our lives and inevitably failing and feeling like a loser (harsh but true), maybe we should strive to balance our family life with all the other areas of our lives. If other areas have to suffer, don’t stress too much. Obviously work has to be the second priority but everything else can have it’s time. You may not fit all of it into a week, you may have to think about a monthly or yearly schedule that accomplishes all your other goals but don’t stress out when you can’t fit in that pottery class this week, or you have to say no to volunteering this time or you miss a session at the gym or the spa etc etc.

Look at the smiles on your kids faces, the joy in their hearts when you make them a priority. Cherish every moment, even if you have to have pizza at home instead of going to a restaurant, make the most of the little moments, celebrate the victories and achievements of your children, consider them your own achievements and you’ll find satisfaction in that because they are your offspring, your progeny, they carry so much of you within them and they will learn what is important from what you show them is important.

Please remember these are just my opinions, I know everyone’s situation is very different and we all have to do what works for us and our families.

Are there any plans or strategies you use to help gain ‘balance’ in your life?

Thanks

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The pace and intensity of our lives, both at work and at home, leave many of us feeling like a person riding a frantically galloping horse. Our day-to-day incessant busyness — too much to do and not enough time.

With this ebook you will learn to approach your days in another way, reducing stress and getting results through prioritizing, leveraging and focus!

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MOMS MADE FOR MORE: A Mum Life Success Story

Jo Caddy

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This month’s Mum Life Success Story embraces all that I hope for, for my readers here at Mum Life Stories. Independence, perseverance, courage, identity, and a can-do attitude toward chasing her dreams. She’s on a mission to not only see her own dreams and desires fulfilled but to help others do the same and to find their true selves amongst all the noise this world throws at them. 

A true inspiration, April Sky is a single mum, business woman, life coach and entrepreneur. How she got to where she is today can only be attributed to her own determination not to give up, not to allow her circumstances or the obstacles that inevitably come, to prevent her from being all that she can be.

I could go on with the introduction but I think I will just let her do that herself. Afterall who can tell you more about someone than that someone themselves?

“Hi, friends! My name is April Sky and I’ve been a divorced full-time single boy mom for the past three years to my wild-ass, beautifully creative,  five-year-old son. Together, we live on our own in Montana (United States). Both businesses that I’ve built/run and supported us with financially, were started after he was born, making our journey quite the freaking ride.”

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Becoming Mum

Before April was a mother she was quite satisfied in her job as a teacher. She was married and certain that she was supposed to be a stay-at-home mum.

“So, I had my son, loved him fiercely, but felt an extreme pull to somehow financially contribute, which then birthed my second baby, photography. Two years later, that business exploded into a profitable wedding photography venture that not only gave me my independence, but it gave me a voice, something that had been squashed out of me since I was little. I knew in my soul that the identity I had lived and the life I had built around me was not okay or healthy and most importantly, not what I wanted to raise my child around. 

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When Jaemon was not even two, I signed up for, trained, and ran my first half marathon. It was in training that I realized I was in a very unhealthy marriage and was not being true to who I was deep down. I was a lost mom who had never ever had the opportunity to be her true self. I wasn’t really even sure who that was, I just knew it wasn’t who I was at that moment. So, after an internal battle for the ages and essentially no emotional support, I left. Hello single mom life.”

Troubled Beginnings

Many of us can probably relate to the fact that who we become as adults and how we feel about who we are is shaped by our childhood and the influences and experiences we go through. Some experiences are good and help us learn how to cope with the world and some damage us and tear holes in our identity that take many years to repair. April had an experience in her childhood that did just that.

“The shaping of who I am and why I lived a life of lost identity until the age of 27 started when I was five-years-old, when in a moment I lost the trust of a family member and of men really altogether. With this story comes tears, guilt, trauma, lasting damage, grief and several rounds of counseling (my current counselor is my jam). It was at five that I lost my voice and quieted that fire I knew even then was inside of me. I recall sitting on my bedroom floor, lighting candles and asking God or the universe to please make me ‘normal’ and like everyone else. At age five.

My wandering soul was old then and although it was beautifully different, outside circumstance told it not to be. It’s because of this that I am now louder than my circumstances. It’s because of this that I left my child’s father because I damn-well wasn’t going to watch my son’s old soul be shamed out of him as well. Celebrate your differences because they are gifts that were given to you for a reason.”



Finding her voice

After a difficult separation and a series of other traumatic events, April and her son found themselves called to a totally new city, completely on their own.

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“That is where the second business was created, ‘Moms Made for More’. If you cannot find what you need, you create it and that’s just what I did nearly two years ago. What started as a Facebook group for moms to feel safe and interact, snowballed into a full-time business of teaching moms that they can be both a stand-out parent AND a badass dream achiever, simultaneously and it starts with finding their voice.

With dreams comes heartbreak, grief, pain (both physical and mental), loss, and failure. But, you know what sets those that reach their dreams from those that don’t? The will to keep going. I used to, and still catch myself occasionally, living in a limited belief that because I’m a single mom with little to no help emotionally or financially, that it’s harder for me and it’s why I haven’t x,y, or z-ed yet. It’s not because of my situation. It’s because I’m still falling back into that limiting belief occasionally that because I have developmental/past trauma or because my child struggles with sensory issues or because I live dollar to dollar or because so few around me think like I do, that I’m not getting farther faster. In reality, it’s because of these things that I am absolutely fit and ready to do what I’ve been called to do which is to serve moms by being who I am and by using my very loud voice.” 

Balance

I always ask my Mum Life Success Story Mums how they find balance, between family, work, dream chasing and community. April didn’t hold back on being authentic about her struggle.

“Simple answer. I don’t, but what I do find is myself, over and over again. I’ve put in so much emotionally and financially into truly TRULY peeling back the layers and discovering who I am at my core so that, although I’m constantly evolving and growing (as we all can if we give ourselves space to), I know who home-base April is and it’s from there that I find my “balance.” It’s from there that I know what lifts me/weighs me and from there that I’ve learned how to structure my days and my weeks and my year for success as I run two profitable businesses and raise an incredible little boy on my own.

I’m also a planner whore and have my goals with actionable steps plastered all over my walls, haha. Benefit of being single. I believe with my entire being that a dream without a plan stays just that, a dream. So, I feel it, I think it, I speak it into existence, and then I plan it, step-by-step. Solid recipe for turning your dreams into reality. But again, that’s what works for me. Figure out WHO you are and you’ll know what works for you, too.” 

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Future Goals

By now I think you’ve gotten the picture that April is a planner and a visionary, so it should be no surprise that her goals for the next fews years are extraordinary. Of course my question about what she sees herself doing in 5 years was met with great enthusiasm. 

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“Oh my goodness, so I’m a 3 on the Enneagram (run and take the paid version if you have yet to) and so I LOVE getting questioned on my five-year plans. In five years, my ultimate goal is to do less, but achieve more (thank you Kate Northrup). However, if we’re getting specific, allow me to word vomit. I’m a firm believer that when you write your dream as if it is happening/has happened versus the possibility of it happening, the universe loves you more for it.

So with that said, I will be serving millions of moms through several platforms, I will be the host of a podcast (that’s coming at you this year), I will be the author of two published and impactful novels, I will be the author of a single-mom E book that helps get you through the first year as a single mother, I will be on the Ed Mylett Show (huge huge fan), I will be speaking heavily all over the world, and most importantly, I will be an exceptional mother and partner to the man my son and I have yet to meet.” 

April’s Advice

Feeling inspired? Wondering how you could become someone who motivates women to go on that journey of self discovery? April’s advice is:

“If you too would love to be a stay-at-home, full-time working entrepreneur mother who uses her voice to help others, it starts with you. The best gift I could have ever given myself and my child is the space and the time that I devoted to identifying who I am at my core and how I best care for myself to reach my highest potential. It takes trial and error, it takes falling on your ass, and it takes heartbreak, but holy sh#%, once you are on the “other side” looking back at your former lost self, you will smile and keep going. We are forever students of life, but if you want to say “F the Norm” with me and write your own story, it starts with identifying who you are, truly, so that your voice can get you to your highest potential, whatever that may be. 

For extra motivation or to find help getting started on your own personal journey toward self-discovery, you can visit April’s website at www.momsmadeformore.com

To see April’s awesome photography, you can visit her Photography website at www.aprilskyphotography.com

…and why not join April’s community Facebook group here https://www.facebook.com/groups/momsmadeformore/

 

Thanks

Thank you for reading this blog, if you’d like to read more Mum Life Success Stories, click HERE and if you’d like to be featured as one of our success stories, simply email us at mumlifestories@gmail.com or visit our T & C’s page for more info.

To be kept up to date with all our latest stories, news and promos (including giveaways and writing competitions) please sign up to our mailing list. You’ll also receive a FREE Ebook, exclusive to our email subscribers.

Get your FREE Ebook

Accomplish more IN a fraction of the time

The pace and intensity of our lives, both at work and at home, leave many of us feeling like a person riding a frantically galloping horse. Our day-to-day incessant busyness — too much to do and not enough time.

With this ebook you will learn to approach your days in another way, reducing stress and getting results through prioritizing, leveraging and focus!

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Micro Fiction Writing Competition Winners: Round 1

Jo Caddy

They’re finally here, the results you’ve been waiting for, the winners of our very first Micro Fiction Writing Competition.

The theme was “Mother”, the word limit was 500 and the entries were awesome. The decision was a tough one but after much collaboration we picked our top 3.

I don’t want to keep you waiting any longer, so here are our 3 winners:

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Winners

1st Place ($50 prize) – SEAN FALLON of Australia with “The Burning Library”

2nd Place ($20 Prize) – ALEXIS ARROWSMITH of Australia with “The Whole Mother”

3rd Place ($20 Prize) – ALIYAH ORR of the UK with “Blankets to Banners”

All of our top 10 short listed stories will be published in an anthology at the end of this year (2020) and all writers will receive a digital copy as part of their prize. The top 3 stories will be published on this blog in the stories section (over the next few days) and are included in this post also (scroll down to read). First place also receives a physical copy of the anthology once it’s been published.

We’d like to congratulate all our winners, and would like to thank once again all those who participated in the competition. We hope to see everyone back again for our next round and hopefully some new entrants as well. Click Here to check out the details of Round 2 and enter your story for your chance at a cash prize and publication.

Short List

In case you missed the announcement about the short list, I have included it here again (in alphabetical order).

  1. ‘At Sears Department Store’ – By Sarah Russell of the USA
  2. ‘Blankets To Banners’ – By Aliyah Orr of the UK
  3. ‘Conversations With Mum’ – By Connie Boland of Canada
  4. ‘I Demand To See The Manager’ – By Bett Willett of the USA
  5. ‘Midnight Reverie’ – By Maureen McVeigh of the USA
  6. ‘Preparations’ – By Nancy Leinweber of Australia
  7. ‘She Carries On’ – By Samantha Adair of Australia
  8. ‘Talismans’ – By Catherine Gillespie of the USA
  9. ‘The Burning Library’ – By Sean Fallon of Australia
  10. ‘The Whole Mother’ – By Alexis Arrowsmith of Australia


Stories

1st Place – Sean Fallon

What we liked: This is a very well written story about a relatable topic. The author draws us into the main character’s experience with the metaphor of the burning library, with a library as the setting of the story as well. Everything connects together in a pleasant flow, entertaining and touching at the same time. 

Bio: Sean Fallon is from the UK and, after many years teaching abroad, now lives in Melbourne. He is currently working on his first novel, and he has been published in The Big Issue, Reader’s Digest, Film Inquiry, Writer Loves Movies, Yabangee, Audiences Everywhere, the Melbourne Writer’s Festival Blog, Defenstration Mag, and The Talk Film Society.

Authors Statement: The inspiration for this story was the death of my grandmother who passed away at the end of last year from Alzheimer’s, and how my mum had to watch her gradually disappear. My mum and nan have both been huge inspirations for me in my life and my writing, and I know my nan would be very happy to see me win this competition.

burning library coverPhotos by Henry Be and Francesco Ungaro on Unsplash

THE BURNING LIBRARY

When an old woman dies, it’s like a library has burnt down.

I think of that a lot as I watch the old woman lose her mind. It is ironic maybe that I’m watching her deterioration from behind the loans counter at the library she has visited every day for forty years.

It started slowly. Forgetting where certain shelves where. Mixing up westerns and fantasy so when she went looking for a book with a cowboy on the cover, she found a dragon instead.

Then she began forgetting to return books. For a few days, then a week, then twelve weeks. At first, I would politely remind her of her fines, and then, when I saw what was happening I started paying them off myself.

As it became clear what was happening, the old woman would fall into moods. Pungent with anger and fear, she would lash out at those seeking to help her. Her brain dull, but her words sharp as broken glass.

Eventually, a sort of calm fell over her. The doctors had her on antidepressants which removed the fear but also everything else, until the old woman was just shuffling into the library each morning to sit in her favourite chair and read a book she had already read. The letters that had once been so familiar, now becoming treacherous and cruel as they evaded understanding.

I watched her today. She sat in the chair, reading or at least looking at the book. There was so much in that head and every day we lost a little more. Memories of first loves, a recipe for Yorkshire pudding, funny stories, sad stories, any stories. The fire that consumed the library wasn’t picky. It didn’t hesitant or leave anything untouched. It burnt everything and left nothing for the survivors to find.

She closed her book and walked to the counter.

‘Has my reserve come in?’ She asked. She hadn’t put a reserve on for eight months.

‘Not today,’ I said after making a full show of looking it up on the computer.

She nodded, ‘Maybe tomorrow.’

‘Maybe,’ I said.

‘Okay. See you then,’ she leant forward to read my nametag. ‘Alex.’

‘Yeah, seeya then,’ She walked away. ‘Mum.’



2nd Place – Alexis Arrowsmith

We felt this story opened very well, with an intriguing scene and some real tension. A story that gives us enough to get a sense of the situation and create a mood but doesn’t explain too much, leaving us to use our imagination. An original story with an inspiring character.

Bio: Alexis Arrowsmith is a historian and writer based in Melbourne, Victoria. She has a particular interest in 20th century Russian and Eastern European social history and has spent time living, travelling, and studying in that region. Alexis has further professional experience as a policy adviser on history, heritage, and international legal matters, and as a teacher. She writes fiction and non-fiction on these topics. Her work has been published and presented in Australia and internationally.

Author Statement:  My inspiration for The Whole Mother came from a combination of my research into the House on the Embankment in Moscow, and my grandmother who remained an activist for women and the working class her whole life while also raising children. 

I write because I have always written and it helps me make sense of life, the world, and the people in it. 

83863626_173151773970267_2367688412267282432_nPhoto by Stella de Smit on Unsplash

THE WHOLE MOTHER

My mother didn’t sleep for 6 days before she disappeared. She wore an enamel comb in her hair, her eyes were deep brown, and her left index finger was crooked at the top knuckle from a childhood accident. This is the collection of memories I have of her. My mother, who was a whole woman before she was a mother, and more complex than I have ever understood.

On the last day I saw her she dressed us in our uniforms, her crooked finger looping the red scarves around our necks. She sent us out to safety with smiles and kisses, an extra long hug we took as a sign of happiness about the holiday.

I have played her day in my mind all my life. I don’t remember my own. She would have looked out of her bedroom window at the white, almost solid, river below, feeling trapped by that ice in our house of privilege. She was unrepentant.

She would have seen soldiers and party members gathered on the square. As I heard her do on those sleepless nights, she would have walked out of her room, through the silent hall, living room, parlour. She could see men’s shadows under the front door. She knew they were men because they were always men. Sometimes they were dressed as tradesmen, sometimes in suits, sometimes servers in the cafeteria. But their faces were the same. She’d seen them by other doors. I’d seen them too, coming for other mothers, other fathers. I’d heard in whispers about the shadows under the doors. She faced the door and waited.

Her name was Larissa. She was gone when we returned.

I used to think she could have stopped it happening, if she’d just stopped herself. But instead, she had kept reading the newsletters, kept saying things she shouldn’t. She kept having other mothers over to our apartment, lively evenings with gritty tea, when the women spoke in code. She kept poking and provoking when she had us, me, to think about.

I used to think she was selfish. She was supposed to be my mother, and mothers put their children first. It took years to understand that love takes many forms and our mother loved us by being herself though it cost her herself and us.

Decades later I met with the children of other mothers who disappeared, but we hardly had anything to say. We live with the regrets of what we never asked these women, our mothers. We all admire them now, but we still fail to understand them. Can any child ever really understand their mother?

My mother was 36 when she disappeared, and she had lived a whole adult life, with us and without us. On that day I know she faced those men and made them see her as that whole woman, the before and the after.

It was only when I, too, saw her that way that I could begin to know my mother.


3rd Place – Aliyah Orr

We liked the poetic expression of this story whilst keeping with the narrative form. The end was particularly relatable because of its emotional realism and we felt there was a lot to learn from the message in the story that is a reflection on a life lived from birth to early adulthood.

Bio: Aliyah Kaitlyn Orr (pen name A.K Nephtali) is a British college student inundated with homework, coffee, and dreams in equal measure. They’ve been inspired by the power of words ever since a novel helped them realize their gender neutral identity, and they write inclusive fiction that aims to empower LGBTQ+ people world-round. (Rather, world-vaguely-pear-shaped, to be precise.) This is their first official award. They’re shocked enough to power a motor.

Authors Statement: ‘Blankets to Banners’ was inspired by an in-depth conversation with my mother on loving someone enough to let them go.

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BLANKETS TO BANNERS

I loved you before you were born, when you were nothing more than a bump that occasionally wriggled. My little fish ninja, I called you, swimming and kicking about in the womb. A fighter you were. Premature, fragile as ice in the sun, but you refused to melt.

Soon the length of your torso became the length of your arms, and your babbling sounds turned into babbling. I hung onto every word, wished I had recorded them.

You commandeered our living room to live out your wildest fantasies, your enthusiasm so vivid I believed in them too. Almost. A scientist has limits, and while I was fine with your talking clouds and fairies, I couldn’t believe when you said you’d grow up.

But you did. Soon you began to teach me; explained why all plants under my inaptly named ‘care’ withered, told me facts from that podcast you adored. You dreamt of learning philosophy, pouring through dusty tomes brimming with wisdom, of the humanities, but those subjects don’t earn. I dissuaded you.

The light usually brimming in your blue eyes dimmed, but I stifled the guilt. It was for your own good. You repurposed the blanket forts into banners as you campaigned for human rights, as you became a better person than I was, than I am.

Then you spoke of becoming an aid worker in impoverished villages, eyes alight with passion or anger or both. Stay, I screamed. It’s not safe for you there. Stay. I tried to hide your passport, found you’d hidden it from me. You left, stretching the line of our connection taught until it snapped. The door swung open and let in frigid gales. I stood silent as snow drifted, washing you away with white.

You changed your number, my countless calls addressed to someone you had ceased to be. I had nothing left but images which I framed like Picasso’s art, but I wished I could do more. Your smile is more beautiful than any masterpiece. I keep the photos in a box under my bed, run my hands over the pixelated memories each morning in some nameless ritual. I’m afraid I’ll forget who you are. I breathe in sharply. Who you were.

Then you knock on my door. It’s summer. It’s been ten years. Who are you now? This new dignified woman in a blue blouse, whose accent is tinged with Spain and Russia, the story of your life untold. You bring your girlfriend with you: a warm-hearted vet with a doctorate in philosophy. You seem as much of a stranger to me as she does.

I smile and tell you to come inside for tea, start for an embrace, but the weight of time pulls down my arms. We shake hands. Cordially. It’s better than I deserve. I open my mouth to speak, and begin the process of learning who you are all over again.

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Further Rounds

This series of competitions has now ended, you can read all the winning stories of subsequent rounds, below or visit our competitions page for more information on current competitions. An anthology with all 60 shortlisted stories is due for release in early 2021!

Round 2

Round 3

Round 4

Round 5

Round 6

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All the best and happy writing.

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Micro Fiction Writing Competition: Round 2 – Cash Prizes!

Jo Caddy

Micro Fiction writing competition

*Please note: This competition has ended. Please visit our competitions page for details of our current competition. Please sign up to our mailing list at the bottom of this page to keep informed of new competitions starting*

Our first Micro Fiction Writing Competition has been a wonderful success and we were very impressed by the quality of entrants. The short list has been published and our top 3 winners have been chosen but the announcement is yet to go out, so stay tuned and check back for that exciting news.

Time for round 2. If you fancy yourself a bit of a writer and enjoy telling a tale then why not have a go at this competition. You could score yourself $50 (AUD) for first place or $20 (AUD) for 2nd or 3rd place, plus the top 10 short-listed stories, including the 3 winners (from 6 competitions, so 60 stories in total) will be featured in an anthology to be published by the end of 2020.

Photo by Florian Klauer on Unsplash

This page contains affiliate links which may earn me a small commission if you click through and make a purchase. Affiliate links are how I keep this blog running, thank you.

Themes

This Competition is the second of 6 Micro Fiction Writing Competitions run over the next year, ending with an anthology publication sometime between July and November 2020 (exact dates will be known closer to the time). Each competition will have a slightly different theme but revolve around the idea of Motherhood. The 6 different sub-themes are:

  1. Mother (November/December ’19 COMPLETED)
  2. GrandMother (February ’20 CURRENT)
  3. Single Mother
  4. Step Mother
  5. Great GrandMother
  6. Foster Mother

The comps will be run in this order and competition start and finish dates will be released at the end of each preceding competition. Competitions will run for 10 days (unless extended), judging for 2 weeks, at the commencement of which, the winners will be announced!

Sign up to our mailing list to be notified when a new competition has begun.

This Months Competition

This month’s theme is ‘Grandmother’ (January ’20) and it can be interpreted any way you like. You don’t have to include the word ‘Grandmother’ but it must be clear your story is about a Grandmother (biological, adoptive or otherwise).

We have decided to keep this months submissions FREE to enter. Consecutive months competitions will incur a $2 entry fee (to cover administration costs).

Please read the competition rules below and then follow the link to our competition T & C’s where there will be an entry form to fill in with your story. Good Luck!

Competition Rules and Guidelines

‘Grandmother’ Competition Dates: January 14th 2020 – January 24th 2020 (extended till 10th February) @ midnight AEST. Judging will commence on the 25th of January (extended till the 11th of February), with the shortlist and winners being announced on the 8th of February (extended till the 20th of February).

Open to: Worldwide (but must be written in English), 16 years or older.

Rules:

  1. 500 words or less.
  2. Narrative Fiction (no poetry please).
  3. Must be about a Mother (biological or adoptive).
  4. No gratuitous violence, sexual content, blood & gore or profanity.
  5. Must agree to the T & C’s.
  6. Your story must not already be published anywhere else.

Submission:

  1. Story to be typed in a doc, docx, pdf, rtf or txt formatted document.
  2. 12 point, Times New Roman or Georgia Text.
  3. Title of story should appear at the top of the document and in the file name.
  4. Your name should not appear on the document (submissions will be read blind so if your name is on the doc it will not be accepted).
  5. Click HERE to go to the form where you can attach your story file, or go to the T & C’s page and enter there.

Judging:

There will be 2 judges, myself and one of our regular story contributors Fiona M. Jones.

  1. Stories will be read ‘blind’ without author names attached so as to avoid bias.
  2. We will not be giving feedback on stories at this point in time, apart from general opinions on the winning entries that will be published on the blog.
  3. While our opinions and personal taste will play a small role in the judging, we will be looking at the structure, form, originality and storytelling technique of each submission.
  4. We both have different tastes but will work together, discussing all elements of the story to come up with 10 stories for the shortlist and then 3 winners.
  5. All decisions are final and will not be open to discussion.

You can read more about the judges on our ‘About‘ page.

Prizes:

1st Place – $50 (AUD), published on mumlifestories.com & in anthology + a printed copy of the anthology + digital copy of anthology.

2nd Place – $20 (AUD), published on mumlifestories.com & in anthology + digital copy of anthology.

3rd Place – $20 (AUD), published on mumlifestories.com & in anthology + digital copy of anthology

Shortlist (Top 10) – Published in anthology + digital copy of anthology

Submit:

Click HERE to go to the entry form.

Go to the T & C’s page.

Sign up to mailing list to get a reminder when the competition is about to close & keep informed of upcoming competitions, plus receive a FREE Ebook.

Alternatively, go to our COMPETITIONS page for info on the latest competitions!

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Writing Flash – How to craft & publish flash fiction for a booming market (Kindle Edition)

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Accomplish more IN a fraction of the time

The pace and intensity of our lives, both at work and at home, leave many of us feeling like a person riding a frantically galloping horse. Our day-to-day incessant busyness — too much to do and not enough time.

With this ebook you will learn to approach your days in another way, reducing stress and getting results through prioritizing, leveraging and focus!

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Micro Fiction Writing Competition: 4 Days Left!

Jo Caddy

*Please note: This competition has now ended. Please visit our competitions page for info on our current comp. Please sign up to our mailing list at the bottom of this page to keep informed of new competitions starting*

Well I hope everyone had a very merry christmas this year and took some time off to just relax and unwind. There’s nothing better than simply living, and enjoying time with your family for a few days.

A little time off can also kick-start those creative juices again, so if you’re looking for an outlet that could potentially win you a few dollars, why not punch that keyboard for an hour or two and write us an interesting tale. Just 500 words and you could be $50 richer and have your story published in an anthology at the end of 2020!

Just go to the original competition post for all the details, but hurry, there’s only 4 days left to enter and we need more entries.

You gotta be in it to win it!

Micro Fiction writing competition

This page contains affiliate links which may earn me a small commission (at no extra cost to you) if you click on them and make a purchase. Affiliate links are how I keep this blog running, thank you.

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Subscribe

If you’d like to be kept up to date with all our latest competitions, giveaways, news and stories, then please sign up to our mailing list. You will also receive a FREE Ebook on effective time management, exclusive to our email subscribers.

Get your FREE Ebook

Accomplish more IN a fraction of the time

The pace and intensity of our lives, both at work and at home, leave many of us feeling like a person riding a frantically galloping horse. Our day-to-day incessant busyness — too much to do and not enough time.

With this ebook you will learn to approach your days in another way, reducing stress and getting results through prioritizing, leveraging and focus!

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Writing Flash – How to craft & publish flash fiction for a booming market (Kindle Edition)

‘Domesticating Mom’ with guest blogger Almondie Shampine

Jo Caddy

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Some of you may remember a Mum Life Story I posted back in October about a mum named Almondie Shampine. Almondie told us of her experience of being a working mum and how her perceptions and goals changed after her health took a turn for the worst. Now a stay at home mum, author, blogger and a book publisher she has graciously decided to share with us once again.

This touching, thought-provoking article describes the evolution of a Mother from a teen mum to a mum of teens and how her desperate cry for freedom was extinguished by the love of her children.

This page contains affiliate links which may earn me a commission (at no extra cost to you) if you click through and make a purchase. Affiliate links are how I keep this blog running, thank you.

Photo by Katie Emslie on Unsplash

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‘The Institute’ by Stephen King (Buy it now)

Domesticating Mom

11/5/19

I’m 37 today.

(Funny, aside of me visualizing a little dance, swaying my arms in front of me and behind me, while singing ‘It’s my birthday. It’s my birthday.’)

I hated my birthday for a good three or more decades. I’m sure many can relate. The birthday goes downhill the moment one’s mind gets caught up on it being ‘a special day’, and the expectations are quick to follow. One minor disappointment thus leads to frenzied overcompensation to make it ‘the best birthday ever’. It becomes an emotional roller coaster, as what goes up must inevitably come down, and special occasions are full of those ups and downs.

I became a teen parent, pregnant in my 18th year of life. Instead of sending out my wedding invitations, which had been the original plan, I was making phone calls to share the news of my pregnancy with the shamed side note that there wouldn’t be a wedding, as my then-fiance had walked, taking all my dreams of my desired and aspired-for future with him and changing the entire course of my life.

A whole life ahead of me, a life I’d barely just begun, and I was to be a Mom, first and foremost, for the rest of my life, and a single Mom, at that. Three years away from being able to have a legal cocktail, yet responsible for raising and supporting a tiny human all on my own. I could no longer fit in with people my age due to being a Mom. When they were partying downstairs or next door to me, I would outwardly complain that their music was too loud, their swearing too much, or that the stench of their pot-smoking was making its way into my apartment, while feelings of loneliness and betrayal ate away at me on the inside, because they’d been my friends, and not a single one of them made that 13-step trek up the stairs or took the three steps next door to my apartment to see how I was doing – not throughout my pregnancy or thereafter. They’d stopped inviting me, stopped asking me to drive them places, stopped even asking if we could talk or if I could give them advice on something they were going through. It was as though I just stopped existing.

I began frequenting places where I could find other Moms, such as parks, and tried making friends with coworkers that had kids, but they looked at me like I was too young and would treat me like the ‘typical teenager’ that I couldn’t be, wasn’t allowed to be, and would never be able to be. Many times I made the mistake of thinking that interested males were making the choice of wanting to be with me, while accepting I had a child. I assumed that meant they knew that I was looking for commitment, so it would devastate me when, after the fact, they’d tell me they weren’t ready for a family, or didn’t want to be a family guy. It confounded me to no end. Until I watched movies like American Pie and all-the-rage young adult movies at that time that talked about MILFS, single moms being perceived as ‘being more experienced’, and the idea that single moms or older or more mature women were great for casual affairs, but nothing more than that. This led to many years of false hopes.



Time was my enemy. It was torture. Being so young, it seemed to pass intolerably slow. It was only thoughts of the future that kept me dragging myself out of bed most days on so little sleep. At first, it was just waiting for me to be old enough for people to start respecting me and taking me seriously. I creeped through my 19th year; my 20th year passed even more slowly. My 21st birthday was celebrated with my Mom, because I’d lost all my friends. For a short time, between my 21st and 22nd year, I believed I’d found the person I’d spend my life with, and the years prior faded away as having all been worth it during that time. …Until he disclosed that he didn’t want to be a family guy after it was disclosed to him that I was carrying his child. 0 for 2. 2 children conceived from 2 different guys that weren’t ready to be a father by the time I was 22. I could kiss any future, healthy prospective relationship goodbye; nor could I ever hope to be respected for anything other than being that single Mom with two kids from two different fathers.

My 22nd birthday was spent pregnant and alone, just like my 19th. My 23rd spent trying to get back on my feet after having lost everything due to childcare being more than I could make with a full-time job. My 24th was spent battling for my life. Single Mom, poor, living in the worst (cheapest) side of the city, not having any friends or any family that would even notice my absence for quite some time, made me a really easy target for predators. That was the year I began counting down the days. Every exhausted night before bed, I would put an x on the calendar marking the end of another day. I began celebrating the end of every week, the end of every month, the end of every year. It showed me forward movement. The passage of time.

Every birthday, I hated, because all it meant to me was just the beginning of a new year, where I’d have to fight through another 364 days to get to the end of it. I’d count down the years of my children being grown. 15 more years. 12 more years. 10 more years. All I could feel was time just looming ahead. So much time. Too much time. Every year I was crushed with the overwhelming anxiety that I would not be able to make it through another year. I’d barely made it through the last, how would I possibly make it through another? I felt terribly alone. Terribly lonely.

My heart had been made to love. I was a lover. A nurturer. A helper. I wanted a family. A full family. A true family. I wanted a partner to share my life with. I wanted the forever. I wanted marriage. I wanted the growing-old with someone. I needed deep connections. Needed someone I could call my best friend. I felt like a neglected flower – once so full of bloom and vibrancy, wilting and withering away to decay.

I waited for people my age to catch up to me. I watched them form partnerships, get married, and begin families of their own. I looked forward to cookouts, our kids getting together, family-oriented celebrations and parties, but still, I didn’t belong. My kids didn’t belong. I was never invited, nor would anyone else show when I threw cookouts of my own. My kids were much older than their kids. Those parents were married living married life. The last thing they wanted was a young single mother, a bachelorette, walking around to remind their men of the single life. I would try to make friends with my children’s friend’s parents, but my youth and my being unmarried maintained me as being the oddball out.

Cover Art

‘Mangoes & Monkey bread’ by Emily Joop (Buy it now)

Every future hope that would keep me waking to the present and keep me tackling each and every day would never come to pass, where I’d grasp on to another future hope, all relative to the passage of time, to my children getting older with me inevitably getting older alongside them. Me holding onto the optimistic view of it being a good thing I started my family young because I’d still be fairly young when they were grown, was crucial towards my continued hopes that one day … One day things would be different.

One day I’d be able to go on those road trips. One day I’d be able to experience that youth I missed out on. One day I’d be able to go bar-hopping, or go dancing, or be able to have a fancy date. One day I’d know what it’s like to go to a spa, or to a hairdresser, and I’d know what it’s like to spoil myself, pamper my body, get all dressed up and go out on the town. One day I’d be able to attract a decent man without him being turned off by me having children, and I’d be able to have friends and go out to eat and be a human being, a person, a woman, and not just a Mom. I’d be able to cherish romance and walk around naked again and spend an entire day luxuriating in physical pleasantries and allowing myself to feel love, both the giving and the receiving of it, uninhibited. I’d finally be able to live my dreams fully, and commit myself to them 100 percent, instead of so frequently having to put them on the backburner. I’d finally be able to have the life I was supposed to have, the life I was meant to have.

All these years I thought I was raising and grooming my children to get them to the point of being adults. I thought I was getting them through all the developmental milestones of being full grown. I thought I was training them to survive independently, self-sufficiently from me. As a mom, it was my number one job to support them, provide them safety and security, guide them through their growing years, teach them how to overcome those obstacles in life – first, to carry them, second, to be their step-ladder, and third, to be their spotter as they made their way over those hurdles all on their own. It was my sacrifice to them. 18 years of putting their needs, wants, dreams, desires, over my own while my life remained dormant. On pause. Waiting. Waiting for the time when I could start living again.

37 years old. I’m celebrating the passage of those 18 birthdays that I waited for for so long. I’m looking back. Shaking my head in wonder. Realizing that I’d gotten it all wrong all along. Like a wild feral cat that only lives for their own survival, their own comfort, their own needs and desires, I was captured in a crate just by the beating of my kids’ hearts, imprisoned within a home that always had to have heat, and food, and a place to sleep. No matter how much I mewled and scratched at the door to escape, they would distract my attention away by wanting to play with me or forcing me to curl up with them. They never left me unsupervised, and would always call me back if I strayed too far.

They forced me to take care of myself. Made me get up when all I wanted to do was sleep. Made me eat when all I wanted to do was starve. Made me fight to live for everyday I felt like dying, and even saved my life when I actually was dying. They urged me to swim when I was drowning and made me weather every storm. First, they taught me to climb mountains, and then they made me move them. They showed me that no obstacle is too high and that dead-end roads are only an illusion -there’s no end of the road, only a road not yet built. They showed me that the only thing truly impossible in my life was the ability to give up. They were scrupulous and rigid. Demanding and inflexible. They’d conditioned me by rewarding me with happiness when I was on my best behaviors, and simply ignoring me when I was not. Not once did they give up hope. Not once did they lose faith. No matter how much I resisted.

With patience and unrelenting vigor, they kept at it, day after day, week after week, year after year, for 18 years. And then on this birthday, they gave me my most-desired gift. They opened the door and they offered me my freedom. “You deserve it, Mom. Go have fun. It’s your special day. Do whatever you want.” I stood at the door, looking out, listening for that call of the wild that had been so strong and enticing for so many years; it sounded so differently than it did before. Cold. Dark. Mournful. Lonely. Miserable.

That’s when I knew. All along, my children had been grooming me for 18 years. Taming me. Domesticating me. I never would have survived out there in the wild. My heart too big. I was never cut out to be a hunter or to prey on other things. Nor was I ever capable of running with a pack. I wasn’t a follower, but neither did I have what it took to lead. I would have been the hunted of the hunter, the preyed upon of the predator, the hider of the seeker. Instead, my children provided me safety and security, warmth and belonging, nurture and affection, and a forever family, giving me my best chance to become my best self. All while letting me believe that I was raising them and providing them the tools they needed to survive without me, it was they all along providing me the skills I needed to survive without them.

Almondie

You can visit Almondie’s website at www.freebirdexpresspublishing.com or follow her blog at www.freebirdexpresspublishing.blogspot.com

If your on Quora, you’ll find her profile here https://www.quora.com/profile/Almondie-Shampine

And you’ll find her books for sale on Amazon HERE (Available in both paperback and e-book).

Thanks

Thanks for reading this blog, I hope you find inspiration and motivation from these posts and that you might find the courage to reach out to us and share your own Mum Life Story. Don’t forget to follow us (bottom of page) or sign up to our mailing list for all the latest news, stories and promo’s including giveaways and writing competitions, plus receive a FREE Ebook exclusive to email subscribers.

Get your FREE Ebook

Accomplish more IN a fraction of the time

The pace and intensity of our lives, both at work and at home, leave many of us feeling like a person riding a frantically galloping horse. Our day-to-day incessant busyness — too much to do and not enough time.

With this ebook you will learn to approach your days in another way, reducing stress and getting results through prioritizing, leveraging and focus!

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