My Place: Chapter 2

Hi everyone. I know it’s been a while since I’ve posted and unfortunately, due to life being a hectic rollercoaster of mumming and business running (news on that coming soon) I won’t be able to get a full-fledged article out for a little bit longer. So I’ve decided to entertain you with my draft (ok, so I wrote it a year ago and have already edited it 10 times) of chapter 2 of my Novel ‘My Place’. If you haven’t read chapter 1 yet, you can click HERE and do that first, or later, whatever suits.

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CHAPTER 2

Becky’s hands were shaking as she tested the firmness of the pasta, gently inserting a fork through the lightly crusted surface. She didn’t know why she was so nervous. She’d made this dish many times before and all but once it had turned out just fine. Cannelloni was a dish that generally called for mincemeat filling inside tubes of pasta smothered in cheese sauce, but Becky preferred to make it with a tuna and tomato sauce filling instead. She found the flavours of the tuna, tomato, and cheese blended together in a combination that was simply divine. Fortunately, her husband Greg was in mutual love with it and requested Becky make it at least once a week.

She closed the oven door, a wave of hot air blowing back her blonde curls, cropped at the shoulders and she returned to the sink to finish washing the dishes. Greg would be home from a long day at work in less than 15 minutes and would be expecting dinner to be ready and on the table by the time he’d put his coat away and washed up. Becky deduced this was not an unreasonable request, as his job was very physically demanding, and he must be horrendously hungry by the time he returned home in the evenings.

She had a lot more time these days anyway. She was not working right now and the least she could do was keep the house in order and get meals done on schedule. She decided another 10 minutes should be enough to cook it through. She took note of the time on the oven, 5.47pm was displayed in bright white lights on the small screen.

As she wiped clean each item in the warm soapy water, she gazed out the window to the horizon where the dark blue of the Southern Ocean met the lighter blue of the cloudless sky. She could only catch a glimpse of the majestic waters as the shrubs along the back fence had grown to such a height that they all but blocked the magnificent view.

There was a small space between the two separate shrubs where the ocean was still visible, and it was this small recess that made the kitchen window Becky’s favourite view in the entire house. She stared at the calm surface that seemed so serene and peaceful. It appeared to stretch on for eternity and Becky imagined how wide and expansive it must be beyond that point where sea met sky.

There was something about the ocean that made Becky feel alive, something that made her heart feel lighter and full of hope like anything was possible. She thought perhaps it was because of its magnificent size, such an expanse that appeared to have no boundaries, no borders, no confines. It was open, limitless, unburdened…free! There were no duties to perform, schedules to stick to, people to please or bills to pay, there were no demands on it other than to keep existing, keep being what it was, what it was made to be, what it was good at.

The same landscape that made her feel uncommonly alive also crippled her with a gut-wrenching sadness. Conflicting feelings wrested inside her. Confusion seemed all too prevalent within her lately. Confusion over what was right and what was wrong. What was good and what was bad. What to say and what not to say. What to think, feel, or do and what not to think, feel, or do. Becky felt the moments of overwhelming emotion were gaining traction rather than fading away like they were meant to. The anxiety was increasing and the Post Traumatic Stress she’d been diagnosed with seemed to be winning the war that she’d taken time off to fight. She’d gone on sabbatical armed with nothing more than household duties and subscription drugs to fight a battle with an unrelenting demon that seemed determined to conquer her soul. Right now though, there was a momentary suspension of hostilities as she lost herself in the serenity of the breathtaking view.

Placing the last pot on the dish rack, Becky flicked a glance at the clock on the oven and nearly passed out as her heart skipped a beat. It read 6.05pm. She’d momentarily given way to her wandering thoughts and lost track of the passing minutes. An irrational fear struck her once again as she anticipated a blackened surface that would give the meal an unsavoury smoky flavour. She pulled the door down and was relieved to see the top of the meal was not burnt at all but was only moments from it.

She quickly removed the dish from the oven with the trusty oven mits her mother had gifted her on her wedding day and after placing it on the stovetop, she turned the two oven knobs to 0. She decided she’d leave the meal in the dish until Greg returned home and then she’d serve it out as she didn’t want it to get cold on the plate.

She crossed the dining room to the living room and pulled the 30-year-old curtains away from the window to survey the driveway. She stared at the empty space and uneasiness came to keep her company once again. He was rarely home later than 6pm, in fact, he was nearly on the dot most days, she could all but set her watch by it. She contemplated whether to return the meal to the oven at a low temperature to keep it warm or if that was a poor idea given that if he was a great deal later, the cheese could possibly burn or the pasta would become overcooked and hard. Anxiety began to snap at her heels as she couldn’t decide what to do.

She paced the living room floor until the wooden clock on the wall read 6.30, glancing out the window every time she caught sight of a pair of headlights. That’s it, she decided she needed to put the food back into a warm oven before her husband arrived home to a cold meal. She walked back to the kitchen at a hastened pace, switching the oven on once more and returning the cannelloni to the top shelf. As she did this, she heard the key in the front door at the end of the hall.


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The sound of metal on metal as the key was inserted and the deadbolt moving swiftly out of its locked position, used to be of comfort to Becky but lately, the familiar sound brought with it a weight of anxiety that she couldn’t explain to herself let alone another living soul.

She quickly took two dinner plates out of the cupboard above the oven and placed them on the bench as Greg entered the kitchen. The smell of Motor oil and grease accompanied him as it did every day and a subtle hint of cigarette smoke lingered on his beard. Becky pretended not to notice as he gave her a kiss on the cheek. It seemed like he’d had a good day at least since he’d come straight in to see her.

A happy smile reached right up to his well-defined cheekbones and brought a youthful glow to his aging face. Smile lines were beginning to appear around his plump wide lips, which showed his 35 years had been full of many joyful, if not fun moments. The matching frown lines between his black bushy brows, told a darker story of more melancholy times.

“Hey sweetheart, sorry I’m late, traffic was a nightmare” he gushed in a sincere and apologetic tone.

Even though she felt annoyed at the fact he didn’t bother to call or text her that he was going to be late, she shook her head and with a wave of her hand said “that’s ok, I understand”. She was ever so careful not to let her tone show her dissatisfaction. “I’m just reheating dinner so it should be ready soon.”

“Great, I’m starving, I’ll just go wash up and get changed.” He removed his coat, revealing his grey, grease-stained overalls. The black marks that were all too familiar to Becky now, glared back at her as though mocking her, daring her to make a complaint and at the same time threatening her with trouble if she did. It was as though they resentfully held her dark secret, a secret that triggered a plethora of negative emotions within her. There was something unfamiliar however that caught her eye. A touch of red on the collar beneath his left cheek. Greg hastily inserted the coat hanger into the neck of his jacket and hung it on the wooden rod in the hallway cupboard.

Becky heard the shower turn on at the end of the hall as she opened the oven door. She sensed straight away that something was wrong, for the usual rush of hot air was absent. Panic threatened to dissolve her already shaky confidence. She suddenly realised that she’d only turned on the dial that controlled the fan and light, leaving the temperature dial on 0. She quickly rectified her oversight, shut the oven door and stepped back, placing her hands over both her flushed cheeks. She knew it would take way too long to heat up the oven and reheat the cannelloni, so she made a hasty decision to remove it from the oven, serve it up and microwave each plate.

The microwave beeped three times as the second plate finished reheating. Becky heard the shower turn off and 3 minutes later Greg walked into the dining room as Becky placed the dinner plate down in front of his usual chair at the head of the table. He smiled and exclaimed “oh you made my favourite!” Becky felt pleased at his obvious elation.

Her momentary high was short-lived however when he took the first mouthful, contorted his face in a look of disgust and spat the contents of his mouth back onto his plate. “Ah, it’s all dried out.” He groaned “Did you over-cook it again?”

“N…no” Becky stuttered, thinking carefully about how to word her response. “It was cooked perfectly, but I had to reheat it in the microwave as I had it ready for 6pm but you were half an hour later than usual.” She kept her tone casual and apologetic, but it did little to appease his dissatisfaction.

“Oh I get it, it’s my fault” He spat, banging the glass table with his clenched fist.

“No, I didn’t say that” Becky pleaded “just that I had to reheat it, because I didn’t want you to have a cold dinner.”

“But you don’t mind me having a dried-out indigestible meal after slogging my guts out all day to provide you with everything you want?” His voice echoed an all too familiar aggression that made Becky feel small and inadequate. It stirred up a resentment inside her that she struggled to hide.

She glared at him and carefully but staunchly replied “I didn’t do it on purpose, I tried to have it ready for when you got home, I didn’t know you were going to be late.” Her voice was shaky as her emotions overtook her sensibility and adrenalin started to rise. If this had been an unusual occurrence, Becky would have remained patient much longer but because it felt like nothing she said or did lately was good enough, frustration and exasperation were constantly lingering at the door, ready to burst in at the slightest sign of irrationality from her husband.

“There you go again!” He said in a frustrated tone “it always has to be my fault doesn’t it? I can only assume your angry about me being home a little later than usual. Well I’m sorry I got stuck in traffic, I’m sorry I have to drive an hour to and from work every day so you can live closer to your Mother, I’m sorry I can’t be home all day doing nothing like you, someone has to work, someone has to make the money and pay the bills, we can’t all be selfish and take time off to recover from life being shit!” He thrust his hand into the air as he shouted the last sentence.

Becky flinched and took a sharp breath in as his large brutish hand waved passed her face, inches from her nose. Her heart was pounding like the thundering of hooves at a racetrack and Greg rolled his eyes.

“Well you’ve ruined another perfectly fine evening, why do you have to act like I’m a monster and I’m going to hit you or something? I told you that would never happen again. Seriously though, sometimes I feel like your trying to make me do something so you can tell everyone I’m this terrible person that is victimising you.”

“I’m not!” Becky gave way to her despair and sobbed a little. She could tell that it annoyed him more, but she couldn’t contain the angst any longer. “I just feel like everything I do and say is wrong lately, you make me feel so small.”

“I make YOU feel small?” He raised his voice again, getting up from the chair “for God sake, what do you think you’re doing to me?” He threw his beige cloth napkin on the table and stormed out of the dining room toward the hall cupboard shouting “I’m going out, I need a break, and something edible for dinner, I’ll be back later.” He took his coat off the hanger, leaving the door to the cupboard wide open and marched out the front door, slamming it behind him.

Becky’s head was reeling. What just happened? Was she right in feeling that he bullied her or did she inadvertently accuse him with her tone because of her anxious thoughts and feelings? Was he justified in his anger or her in hers? Was he wrong or were they both to blame? Becky felt dizzy with confusion but decided to try and push a few morsels of cannelloni into her stomach for she knew if she didn’t, she’d be starving later, and her stomach would make annoying gurgling sounds all night.

Three forkfuls was all she could manage before dropping her fork loudly on her plate and proceeding to clean up the table and start on the dishes again. She felt anger and frustration squeezing at her esophagus as she anticipated the long excruciating wait to see when and in what state Greg would arrive home that night.

 

CHAPTER 3…


Thanks

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A Place: A Micro-Story

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Thanks to Fiona M. Jones for her latest submission “A Place’. A charming micro-story about the adventures children find in ordinary places.

Fiona M. Jones is a regular contributor to Mum Life Stories, some of her titles include ‘Mud‘ & ‘Tiny Green Apples‘. She is a part-time teacher, a parent, and a spare-time writer, with work recently published by Folded Word, Buckshot Magazine and Silver Pen.

She is also one of the judges for our Micro-Fiction Competition.

She lives with her husband and 2 sons (aged 15 & 17) in Fife, Scotland, where she works, writes & ministers. You can read more about Fiona here, in her Mum Life Success Story.

You can also follow Fiona on Twitter or Linkedin
Photo Credit: Raghu Nayyar on Unsplash

This page contains affiliate links which may earn me a small commission if you click through and make a purchase. Affiliate links are how I keep this blog running, thank you.

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A PLACE

“Mummy, we’ve seen a place and we have to go there,” they tell me in that tone of unanswerable firmness which I know they’ve copied from me but still I can’t resist.
A “place” is never an amusement park or a restaurant or any crowded area. It is over hills or under trees, in among rocks through mud beside water. We’re going on a bear hunt, we’re setting out on an Expotition, we’re traversing Middle Earth; and, come what may, we’re not coming back with clean clothes or dry socks.
This particular place is a narrow deep-forested valley below the A92 to Kirkcaldy. Embanked dual carriageway turns briefly to bridge and back again in the blink of an eye, but children’s eyes don’t blink much, and they’ve made their decision.
I parked, awkwardly, in a layby, and we went there.
We followed overgrowing paths among damp greenery and welly-sucking puddles. We found a wooden bridge across the stream, and we walked under the massive concrete struts of the traffic-roaring road. We scrambled up dust and small scree to a half-hidden ledge of ground that made a perfect lookout point, and we defended with imaginary fire-power. And we discovered a fallen tree clutching odd pieces of brickwork, in its newly-bared roots as though it had accidentally swallowed a wall half a century ago.
And I laundered once more the clothes and cleaned the mud off boots, hoping that nothing in life will ever wash away the patterns of early habit—that trees and sky and running water will always remain the backdrop in my children’s minds, giving them peace when life gets turbulent.


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Brevity: A Flash Fiction Handbook by David Galef


If you’d like to submit a story of your own, please visit our submissions page, or enjoy reading more of our Flash Fiction HERE.

If you’re a writer, why not enter our Micro-Fiction Writing Competition?

Micro Fiction writing competition

Thanks

Thank you for reading this blog. If you would like to keep up to date with all our latest news, stories and promos (including giveaways and writing competitions), please sign up to our mailing list HERE, or fill in the form below. You’ll also receive a FREE Ebook exclusive to our email subscribers.


Get your FREE Ebook

Accomplish more IN a fraction of the time

The pace and intensity of our lives, both at work and at home, leave many of us feeling like a person riding a frantically galloping horse. Our day-to-day incessant busyness — too much to do and not enough time.

With this ebook you will learn to approach your days in another way, reducing stress and getting results through prioritizing, leveraging and focus!

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Mom’s Girdle: A Micro Story

We’d like to thank Ann Hultburg of the USA for her Micro Fiction submission ‘Mum’s Girdle’. Based on true events ‘Mom’s Girdle’ is a story written by a mum about her mum.

Ann Hultberg of Western PA and Southwest Fla is a retired high school English teacher and currently an adjunct composition instructor at the local university. She writes nonfiction stories about her family, especially focusing on her father’s escape from Budapest, Hungary, to the United States. Her essays have been accepted by Persimmon Tree, Dream Well Writing, Drunk Monkeys, The Drabble, The Story Pub, Kindred VoiceFevers of the Mind, Mothers Always Write, Elixir Magazine, The Ekphrastic Review, and Moonchild Magazine. You can follow Ann on Facebook at ‘60 and writing‘ and @Hajdu on Twitter.

This page contains affiliate links which may earn me a small commission at no extra cost to you if you click through and make a purchase. Affiliate links are how I keep this blog running, thanks 🙂

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Mom’s Girdle

Mom was always losing or fighting with her 18-hour Playtex girdle. It seemed as if this contraption had a mind of its own, wanting to be seen, calling attention to itself, almost like a neon light flashing from a bar window. The trampoline-like material sucked in all the fat so clothes appeared smooth and seamless without the ripples of excess pounds. From waist to upper knee, this apparatus was popular with Mom in the 60s and 70s. Her belly was flattened and thighs were made to look slimmer, something she said she needed after birthing four kids.
The first time Mom lost a hold of her girdle was when she was out shopping, and the elastic, which had been shriveling on the waistband, probably from its years of wear, let loose. Like a broken rubber band snapping off a ponytail, the entire garment fell to her knees. Though in public, with many eyes upon her, mom simply shimmied the girdle down to her ankles, like a girl slinking down a fashion show runway; she peeled it off her ankles, and with a kick, tossed the girdle in the air like a spinning pizza crust. She grabbed at it and stuffed the undergarment in her purse as carefree as she would a wad of Kleenex. She continued on with her shopping.
Mom also had to be careful that her dresses weren’t too short or else the bottom few inches of the girdle would peek out from under the dress, the white contrasting against whatever colorful attire she wore, lest she have another embarrassing episode with the girdle exposed, like an exhibitionist flashing himself in public. Mon Dieu!
When her father died, my parents and we children were in the car on the way to his funeral. My then baby sister who was sitting on Mom’s lap (seatbelts and car seats weren’t required yet) had wet through her diaper and soaked Mom’s skirt and girdle. Off came both items—she held the underwear out the window, flapping like a starched flag, hoping the August sun would dry off its wetness. Beads of water clung to the fabric like a waterproof watch. As much as she shook the garment, the fabric refused to dry. Luckily the skirt dried in time for the funeral, but the girdle remained in the car — the punished step child left behind.
The things we remember from our childhood become the talk at the Thanksgiving table. We reminisce about mom’s girdle, dubbed her fifth child: unruly (falls apart), unyielding (holds in the fat), attention-seeking (an egoist). But hail to this piece of rubber that kept our mom, content and secure, in her hourglass figure.


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Brevity: A Flash Fiction Handbook by David Galef


 

If you’d like to submit a story of your own, please visit our submissions page, or enjoy reading more of our Flash Fiction HERE

If you’re a writer, why not enter our Micro Fiction Writing Competition?

Micro Fiction writing competition

 

 

 

 

 

Thanks

Thank you for reading this blog. If you would like to keep up to date with all our latest news, stories and promos (including giveaways and writing competitions), please sign up to our mailing list HERE, or fill in the form below. You’ll also receive a FREE Ebook exclusive to our email subscribers.


Get your FREE Ebook

Accomplish more IN a fraction of the time

The pace and intensity of our lives, both at work and at home, leave many of us feeling like a person riding a frantically galloping horse. Our day-to-day incessant busyness — too much to do and not enough time.

With this ebook you will learn to approach your days in another way, reducing stress and getting results through prioritizing, leveraging and focus!

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MOMS MADE FOR MORE: A Mum Life Success Story

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This month’s Mum Life Success Story embraces all that I hope for, for my readers here at Mum Life Stories. Independence, perseverance, courage, identity, and a can-do attitude toward chasing her dreams. She’s on a mission to not only see her own dreams and desires fulfilled but to help others do the same and to find their true selves amongst all the noise this world throws at them. 

A true inspiration, April Sky is a single mum, business woman, life coach and entrepreneur. How she got to where she is today can only be attributed to her own determination not to give up, not to allow her circumstances or the obstacles that inevitably come, to prevent her from being all that she can be.

I could go on with the introduction but I think I will just let her do that herself. Afterall who can tell you more about someone than that someone themselves?

“Hi, friends! My name is April Sky and I’ve been a divorced full-time single boy mom for the past three years to my wild-ass, beautifully creative,  five-year-old son. Together, we live on our own in Montana (United States). Both businesses that I’ve built/run and supported us with financially, were started after he was born, making our journey quite the freaking ride.”

This page contains affiliate links which may earn me a small commission (at no extra cost to you) if you click through and make a purchase. Affiliate links help me keep this blog running, thank you.




Becoming Mum

Before April was a mother she was quite satisfied in her job as a teacher. She was married and certain that she was supposed to be a stay-at-home mum.

“So, I had my son, loved him fiercely, but felt an extreme pull to somehow financially contribute, which then birthed my second baby, photography. Two years later, that business exploded into a profitable wedding photography venture that not only gave me my independence, but it gave me a voice, something that had been squashed out of me since I was little. I knew in my soul that the identity I had lived and the life I had built around me was not okay or healthy and most importantly, not what I wanted to raise my child around. 

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When Jaemon was not even two, I signed up for, trained, and ran my first half marathon. It was in training that I realized I was in a very unhealthy marriage and was not being true to who I was deep down. I was a lost mom who had never ever had the opportunity to be her true self. I wasn’t really even sure who that was, I just knew it wasn’t who I was at that moment. So, after an internal battle for the ages and essentially no emotional support, I left. Hello single mom life.”

Troubled Beginnings

Many of us can probably relate to the fact that who we become as adults and how we feel about who we are is shaped by our childhood and the influences and experiences we go through. Some experiences are good and help us learn how to cope with the world and some damage us and tear holes in our identity that take many years to repair. April had an experience in her childhood that did just that.

“The shaping of who I am and why I lived a life of lost identity until the age of 27 started when I was five-years-old, when in a moment I lost the trust of a family member and of men really altogether. With this story comes tears, guilt, trauma, lasting damage, grief and several rounds of counseling (my current counselor is my jam). It was at five that I lost my voice and quieted that fire I knew even then was inside of me. I recall sitting on my bedroom floor, lighting candles and asking God or the universe to please make me ‘normal’ and like everyone else. At age five.

My wandering soul was old then and although it was beautifully different, outside circumstance told it not to be. It’s because of this that I am now louder than my circumstances. It’s because of this that I left my child’s father because I damn-well wasn’t going to watch my son’s old soul be shamed out of him as well. Celebrate your differences because they are gifts that were given to you for a reason.”





Finding her voice

After a difficult separation and a series of other traumatic events, April and her son found themselves called to a totally new city, completely on their own.

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“That is where the second business was created, ‘Moms Made for More’. If you cannot find what you need, you create it and that’s just what I did nearly two years ago. What started as a Facebook group for moms to feel safe and interact, snowballed into a full-time business of teaching moms that they can be both a stand-out parent AND a badass dream achiever, simultaneously and it starts with finding their voice.

With dreams comes heartbreak, grief, pain (both physical and mental), loss, and failure. But, you know what sets those that reach their dreams from those that don’t? The will to keep going. I used to, and still catch myself occasionally, living in a limited belief that because I’m a single mom with little to no help emotionally or financially, that it’s harder for me and it’s why I haven’t x,y, or z-ed yet. It’s not because of my situation. It’s because I’m still falling back into that limiting belief occasionally that because I have developmental/past trauma or because my child struggles with sensory issues or because I live dollar to dollar or because so few around me think like I do, that I’m not getting farther faster. In reality, it’s because of these things that I am absolutely fit and ready to do what I’ve been called to do which is to serve moms by being who I am and by using my very loud voice.” 

Balance

I always ask my Mum Life Success Story Mums how they find balance, between family, work, dream chasing and community. April didn’t hold back on being authentic about her struggle.

“Simple answer. I don’t, but what I do find is myself, over and over again. I’ve put in so much emotionally and financially into truly TRULY peeling back the layers and discovering who I am at my core so that, although I’m constantly evolving and growing (as we all can if we give ourselves space to), I know who home-base April is and it’s from there that I find my “balance.” It’s from there that I know what lifts me/weighs me and from there that I’ve learned how to structure my days and my weeks and my year for success as I run two profitable businesses and raise an incredible little boy on my own.

I’m also a planner whore and have my goals with actionable steps plastered all over my walls, haha. Benefit of being single. I believe with my entire being that a dream without a plan stays just that, a dream. So, I feel it, I think it, I speak it into existence, and then I plan it, step-by-step. Solid recipe for turning your dreams into reality. But again, that’s what works for me. Figure out WHO you are and you’ll know what works for you, too.” 


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Future Goals

By now I think you’ve gotten the picture that April is a planner and a visionary, so it should be no surprise that her goals for the next fews years are extraordinary. Of course my question about what she sees herself doing in 5 years was met with great enthusiasm. 

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“Oh my goodness, so I’m a 3 on the Enneagram (run and take the paid version if you have yet to) and so I LOVE getting questioned on my five-year plans. In five years, my ultimate goal is to do less, but achieve more (thank you Kate Northrup). However, if we’re getting specific, allow me to word vomit. I’m a firm believer that when you write your dream as if it is happening/has happened versus the possibility of it happening, the universe loves you more for it.

So with that said, I will be serving millions of moms through several platforms, I will be the host of a podcast (that’s coming at you this year), I will be the author of two published and impactful novels, I will be the author of a single-mom E book that helps get you through the first year as a single mother, I will be on the Ed Mylett Show (huge huge fan), I will be speaking heavily all over the world, and most importantly, I will be an exceptional mother and partner to the man my son and I have yet to meet.” 

April’s Advice

Feeling inspired? Wondering how you could become someone who motivates women to go on that journey of self discovery? April’s advice is:

“If you too would love to be a stay-at-home, full-time working entrepreneur mother who uses her voice to help others, it starts with you. The best gift I could have ever given myself and my child is the space and the time that I devoted to identifying who I am at my core and how I best care for myself to reach my highest potential. It takes trial and error, it takes falling on your ass, and it takes heartbreak, but holy sh#%, once you are on the “other side” looking back at your former lost self, you will smile and keep going. We are forever students of life, but if you want to say “F the Norm” with me and write your own story, it starts with identifying who you are, truly, so that your voice can get you to your highest potential, whatever that may be. 

For extra motivation or to find help getting started on your own personal journey toward self-discovery, you can visit April’s website at www.momsmadeformore.com

To see April’s awesome photography, you can visit her Photography website at www.aprilskyphotography.com

…and why not join April’s community Facebook group here https://www.facebook.com/groups/momsmadeformore/

 

Thanks

Thank you for reading this blog, if you’d like to read more Mum Life Success Stories, click HERE and if you’d like to be featured as one of our success stories, simply email us at mumlifestories@gmail.com or visit our T & C’s page for more info.

To be kept up to date with all our latest stories, news and promos (including giveaways and writing competitions) please sign up to our mailing list. You’ll also receive a FREE Ebook, exclusive to our email subscribers.


Get your FREE Ebook

Accomplish more IN a fraction of the time

The pace and intensity of our lives, both at work and at home, leave many of us feeling like a person riding a frantically galloping horse. Our day-to-day incessant busyness — too much to do and not enough time.

With this ebook you will learn to approach your days in another way, reducing stress and getting results through prioritizing, leveraging and focus!

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Cassy’s Cafe: A Mum Life Success Story

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If there is one thing I love about the invention of the internet, it’s that I can interview someone on the other side of the world and write a story about them without even leaving my own house. Heck, I don’t even have to talk to them on the phone, I simply do what I do best and write to them, and they write back. How amazing is that? I love that it’s so easy to connect with new people, people that I wouldn’t otherwise ever have a chance to meet or get to know. 

Through the stories that I’ve been privileged to write in the last several months, I’ve met some amazing women, women who are pushing past the obstacles and setbacks that life inevitably throws their way and chasing those elusive dreams that so many people talk about but so little achieve. These women have inspired me and I hope inspired you also.

One such lady who’s positive attitude to life caught my attention on Instagram (@lifeofcassy2019) is Cassandra Sojka.

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Immigration of Cassy

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This months ‘Mum Life Success Story’ Mum, comes all the way from The Gambia (otherwise known as ‘The Smiling Coast of Africa’). Cassandra Sojka, originally from Stockholm Sweden, moved to The Gambia in 2013 where she now owns and runs a successful Cafe/Restaurant (Cassy’s Cafe) with her Husband Ladislav. They have two children, Aiden (5) and Mio (3).

If you’re asking the question ‘where the heck is The Gambia?’ your not alone. Cassy admitted to me that she needed to check a map before going on a family holiday there in 2011 because she had no idea where this country was.  I myself had to google it and discovered that it’s actually the smallest country within mainland Africa.  It occupies a small sliver of land around the Gambia River and is almost entirely surrounded by Senegal with the exception of its western coastline along the Atlantic Ocean (Wikipedia 2019). It’s best known for it’s subtropical climate, pristine beaches, and abundant birdlife, drawing tourists all-year-round. 


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So why the Gambia?

Cassandra says “Ever since I was young I wanted to move from Sweden to another county. I didn’t know where to, when or how but it was just always my dream.”  It was during her family holiday in 2011 that she fell in love with the country and didn’t want to go home when the two weeks were up. “My sister and I booked a single ticket back to the Gambia only a few days after we got home. During our 1, 5-month stay we met a lot of new people and my sister got a job offer. I convinced her to stay as she could just return home to Sweden if she didn’t like it.” It was obviously some good advice as she still lives in the Gambia now.

Cassy travelled back and forth, as much as she could, at times working 6 jobs in Sweden in order to save for the trips. “My sister was there and also the man that would become my husband. We were not in a relationship yet but we loved spending time together. In 2013 we decided to give our relationship a real try and I decided to move down to the Gambia permanently.”

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They got engaged and Cassy got pregnant just 6 months after they decided. 3 years and 2 kids later they started thinking about how they could make an income without leaving the kids for long hours and making next to nothing because in the Gambia, salaries are bad and working hours are long. “The only thing that made sense with two young kids, was to open something of our own. We went back and forth on what we could do, what would work in this small, developing, beautiful country. A café and a restaurant were closing down in a complex and we decided to jump on the opportunity. We believed it was something the Gambia was missing. We had to act quick, so within two months after we decided, we were open.”

Obstacles

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Cassandra says she still doesn’t know how they did it, without savings and so fast, but it just goes to show that it’s possible to do so much more than you think. “Both my husband and I are very spontaneous people. I’m also very positive so thinking that we would fail or that it wouldn’t work is nothing I remember even having in my mind.” 

That’s not to say that there were no obstacles. Every huge life decision, especially when you have a family, comes with a certain amount of hurdles that need to be cleared before the race can be won. The 10 foot hurdles some people may see however, can seem more like 10mm if approached with a positive attitude and a determination to overcome.

“There were two obstacles when we were about to open the café. The first one was to leave the kids with a babysitter. To find someone to trust and to spend more time away from them. We just had to get used to the idea like anyone else that is going back to work. I brought the kids with the babysitter to the café a lot in the beginning.” 

The second issue was money. For a while, they weren’t sure how they would be able to pay for everything they needed to open a café. “We asked a friend to help a bit and the rest just worked out” and they did make it work “after two months we expanded and after only a few months open we climbed up to number 1 on TripAdvisor and still remain there.” 

After 2 years in operation, Cassy’s Cafè is a thriving business “it’s a hangout spot for a lot of different people, from local celebrities to teenagers and families. Coming to work makes me happy.” 

Balance

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That elusive question of “how do you find balance?” is always my favourite, probably because I struggle in this area and I’m always interested to hear how successful Mums manage it. “How do I balance life, kids, and business? Do I get tired? For sure! Is it worth it? Yes! I make sure to spend a lot of quality time with the kids both at home and out, I make sure we do a lot of fun things together.” Cassy admits that her energy isn’t always enough for the beach after work but it makes her happy. Seeing the kids happy, makes her happy.

I believe that scheduling quality time for relationships is an important aspect of finding balance between work and life. Cassy says “We have a babysitter two times a week so that my husband and I can have dinner and spend time together, even if it’s at work. What also works for me is to not have too many routines or too many plans. I like being spontaneous. I like being able to pick up the kids from school and together decide where we should go and how we should spend the afternoon. It’s the small things that make life good. Too many plans tend to stress me.”





The Future

When asked where she could see herself in 5 years, she replied “I hope the café is still as popular as today, if not more. I hope that we continue to grow and have one or two more businesses. I know it sounds like a lot but I believe it’s possible! I believe positive thinking really helps with whatever you want in life.”

Her advice to anyone thinking of starting their own business is to “Have a good partner. Especially if there are kids in the picture. It has to be someone you trust, that has the same goals as you. Someone that’s willing to work hard. For me, that’s my husband and that’s the biggest reason I manage the life I do and managed to stay happy. If it weren’t for him, I would have wanted to quit many times. We can believe that we can do it all on our own, but it’s also ok to admit we can’t!”

Whilst it’s not always possible to find that loving supportive partner, I agree that it’s a great idea to surround ourselves with positive people who are on board with our vision. Having someone there to lift us up when we stumble can sometimes be the difference between persevering and giving up.

What’s your dream for the future? Do you believe it’s possible? If not, why not? Drop a comment in the comment section below 🙂

If you’d like to follow Cassy’s family adventures, you can visit her account on instagram @lifeofcassy2019 or follow the success of her cafe @cassyscafe.


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The pace and intensity of our lives, both at work and at home, leave many of us feeling like a person riding a frantically galloping horse. Our day-to-day incessant busyness — too much to do and not enough time.

With this ebook you will learn to approach your days in another way, reducing stress and getting results through prioritizing, leveraging and focus!

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More Mum Life Success Stories…

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My Pink HaRe: Esther Rodriguez


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Educated’ by Tara Westover (Buy it now)


MUM LIFE BURNOUT: 10 ways to cool down

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So here’s a story most mums can relate to. I told my 3 year old and 20 month old the other day that I was just going to the toilet for 2 minutes and would be right back. Now I always leave the door open a crack so I can hear what’s going on in the other room, in case I need to bolt out to rescue a toddler under attack (see ‘Big Brother Syndrome’) or one that is under a ‘toddler attack’. Literally 10 seconds after I sat down to do what I needed to do, my adorably chubby toddler, barged his way in and presented me with a book which I was supposed to read to him. I was about to lose it (I mean can I not get just 2 minutes of privacy to do my business?) but he smiled at me with his precious little dimples and puppy dog brown eyes and I couldn’t help but laugh.

If he’d come in and started unravelling the toilet paper or tried to run off with the toilet brush again, it may have been a different story. My Mum Life Rage may have burst out of it’s metaphorical straight jacket and left a trail of smouldering debri in its wake, because it wasn’t the first frustrating event of the day, or week for that matter. I had been scooping him off the dining table at least 20 times throughout the morning, not to mention giving him numerous ‘time out’s’ inside the house every 2 minutes for continually throwing the sand pit toys into unreachable places. He’d been hitting his brother with wooden spoons stolen from the dish rack and turning his toys into projectiles, bashing both his brother and I in the head more times than I could count. To say I was at the end of my tether would be a gross understatement.

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The Effects of Mum Life Burnout

If you read the previous article ‘MUM LIFE BURNOUT: 5 Ways It Can Effect You & Your Family‘ then you’ll understand why my patience was thin and why I felt a second article was necessary. In the last article I talked about 5 effects Mum Life Burnout can have on you and your family, here’s the very condensed version of the list:

  1. Your more likely to get sick: If your so busy that getting a chance to rest is as rare as finding a matching pair of toddler socks in the clean washing, you could find that it takes much longer to recover and you could be more susceptible to recurrent illness.
  2. You can become less organised and productive: You just go with the flow, going into autopilot or survival mode and not putting effort into sticking to a routine or schedule.
  3. Your more likely to suffer from stress, anxiety &/or depression: Being overworked, under pressure and suffering Mum Life Fatigue can lead to all sorts of physical symptoms, from racing heart beat to fainting, palpitations, nausea, migraines, stomach problems, etc. A trip to the emergency department could be your Friday night out!
  4. Your at a higher risk of family separation and divorce: The unintentional pressures from family members, especially spouses can add to the burnout and if not dealt with, it can sometimes feel like the only option is to ‘get out’ of the relationships.
  5. You can lose confidence in yourself and your ability to be a good mum: When we put too much pressure on ourselves to be everything to everyone we will inevitably fail and this can lead us to feelings of discouragement and unworthiness.

So the effects of Mum Life Burnout are not at all insignificant and require some major changes to bring us back to a balanced, positive place.

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Why are we getting burned out?

I saw this video on CNN that talks about “the good old days” of parenting, when things were a lot simpler and we didn’t have the internet with it’s plethora of information about what parents “should do” and it really resonated with me. As I talked about in my article “Mum Life Guilt: A Breakdown (Literally)” there are far too many opinions out there about what a good parent looks like, not to mention all the perfect pictures on instagram and Facebook that give us a very false ideal to live up to. Our heads are filled with constant noise telling us that pretty much everything we are doing is not good enough.

On top of all that there is constant pressure on women these days to ‘have it all’, the perfect marriage, the perfect family and the perfect career. You need to be a professional housekeeper, nanny, chef, taxi driver, teacher, nurse, accountant, social media expert and the financial provider all rolled into one and do it without dropping a single ball.

As mums we are expected (including by ourselves) to be physically, mentally and emotionally available for every member of our family 24/7. The more family members you have the more time and commitment is required, and every member has different needs dependent on their personality, their emotional and mental development stage, their physical and mental capacities, etc etc. The role of Mum is so complicated and diverse that it’s like a thousand jobs rolled into one. Even the toughest, strongest Mums have moments where it all just becomes too much.

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10 Steps to cool down and get your sanity back.

So how does one combat Mum Life Burnout and regain composure? I can honestly say that I haven’t as yet worked out the perfect solution, but I know without a doubt that both “getting enough sleep” and finding “me time” are 2 things that are vitally important to our ability to cope with pressure and maintain a certain level of “self identity” that we can often lose as mums. As mums we feel it’s our job to take care of everyone, but who takes care of us? We need to take care of “us” if we are to be the best “us” that we can be and therefore have confidence in ourselves to “teach” our kids how to be the best “them” that they can be. 

After researching all over the internet (yes, that place that both creates and solves our problems) and digging into the deep dark recess’ of my brain where past conversations with my sisters in motherhood are kept till such times as they are needed in a blog article, I have come up with 10 tips on how to reduce the risk of Mum Life Burnout. 

  1. Get some sleep – It is oh so tempting to fall into that trap of staying up extremely late to get some time alone, to switch off the noise of the day and drown yourself in something you find either so mind-numbing its euphoric or so exciting it returns life to your zombified brain, but lack of sleep can cause all kinds of problems, from irritability, memory loss, confusion, brain fog, anxiety and depression to physical symptoms like impaired immune system, increased heart rate, tremors, aches, dizziness, migraines and weight gain. Getting enough sleep at night could not only save your sanity but increase the quality of your life.
  2.  Just say No – Come on practice it with me “No”, “Noooooo”, “N.O.” see how it just      rolls off the tongue. If your schedule is already overloaded and you know without a doubt you couldn’t possible add another thing to it, DON’T! I know this is easier said than done, most of us like to be able to help our family, friends and associates whenever possible but sometimes it’s just not possible. If saying “yes” is going to lead you to burnout then your not only going to be less helpful to that person but you’ll be under so much pressure that you’ll dramatically reduce the quality of your help in all the other things you’ve said “yes” to. 
  3. Take some ‘me time’ – Even though a month long European vacay would only just touch the sides of the empty glass that is your personal life, I’m sure most of us would do anything to get one. It’s not exactly realistic though when you have an entire tribe of villagers reliant on you as chief life planner, so a little bit of time here and a little bit of time there, is about all you can hope for. Make a regular time each day or week that is “your time”, time when you can do whatever you want uninterrupted. Whether its nap, read, write, make some pottery, go for a run, take salsa dancing lessons or plot world domination, you need this time to feel like a human being, a human being that is just as important as all the other human beings in your life.
  4. Delegate – I was going to call this one ‘get help’ but come on, lets face it, if there were more hours in the day, we could do it all because we are all capable, strong women who can do anything we set our minds to, but there are way too many responsibilities and not nearly enough time, so lets delegate some of that work to other family members (like our partner or older kids) or even pay someone (if you can afford to) to do those things that have been sitting at the bottom of the to-do-list for far too long. I recently noticed the pavers in our back yard had gone mouldy from a lot of rain and I thought to myself, I could go get a cheap pressure cleaner and spend 2 hours doing it myself or I could use the same money to pay someone else to do it. Once upon a time it would have been a no-brainer, I would have done it myself, but in an effort to reduce my Mum Life Burnout, I hired someone instead and it felt amazing to have the pressure taken off my shoulders to get it done.
  5. Spend time with your partner – If your blessed enough to have a partner, schedule regular date nights where you can spend time with just the two of you, behaving like adults (or not) for a while, just kicking back with your bestie, not talking about work or kids or how many bills you have due in the next week or so. Make each other a priority because that relationship is the most important one you have. If your family is to function well, you need to be working well with your team mate, the stronger your relationship is, the better you’ll be able to work together to lesson the load on you. 
  6. Be creative – Now you might say to me “I do not have a creative bone in my body” but creativity is simply something that comes out of you as an expression of who you are, so whether you like doing Maths equations, re-organising the linen cupboard, gardening, baking delicious sugary treats, sewing, writing, taking photographs, revamping old furniture or flipping houses, you have some creativity inside you that is bursting to get out. Whatever makes you feel alive and gives you satisfaction is what you need to do every now and then to express yourself and keep that ‘identity’ alive.
  7. Stop comparing yourself to others – No two people are the same and no two families are the same. Everyone is different and every family has different needs. No one knows your family like you do. Stop comparing yourself to the perfect photoshopped family on Instagram, you don’t know what goes on behind closed doors and chances are things are far less than perfect. You are your children’s entire world and they love you unconditionally, to them you are already perfect and they wouldn’t trade you for any one else in the world, so be the best you, you can be. Go technology free for a day and see what a difference it can make to your perspective and how much you enjoy your day without the distraction.
  8. Drop the guiltMum Guilt is all too real. We all suffer from this monster from time to time and it can be at times a great motivator to make positive change but at other times our greatest enemy, taking us down and out when we least expect it. We are never going to be able to make everyone happy, life happens and we deal with it the best we can. Things don’t always work out the way we want them to or believe they should but feeling guilty about it doesn’t help us to move on. Use the guilt as a reality check, if you can do something to change the situation, do it but if you can’t, let it go and move forward. 
  9. Don’t overschedule your families life – It’s great for your kids to have activities outside of school to develop their fitness or talents and giftings but if you have them doing activities every day and all through the weekends, then your going to be running around like a lunatic all week long with no opportunity for rest or for being spontaneous. Believe it or not, your kids will have more opportunities as adults to try all the things they didn’t get to try as kids. They won’t be deprived if they don’t have a wall of trophies by aged 12 or know how to speak 3 languages by high school graduation and chances are less activities and more rest or spontaneity will help your kids feel happier and more like, well ‘kids’.
  10. Be kind to yourself – Lastly, remember how far you’ve come. Take a mental note of how much you’ve accomplished and give yourself credit for being the amazing woman that you are. Your kids are alive, they are fed, they are dressed and they have a roof over their head, everything else is a bonus! Look after yourself and love yourself so you can better look after and love your family.



You can only do so much, so be proud of what you have done, enjoy your family, enjoy your time alone, do what you can and delegate the rest, don’t worry about the little things, don’t compare yourself to others or take too much of what other people say to heart. Be the best version of yourself that you are capable of being and your family will thrive! 

More

If you like to read there are some insightful books out there with helpful advice on getting “yourself” back.

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One of them is ‘Motherhood Is a B#tch: 10 Steps to Regaining Your Sanity, Sexiness, and Inner Diva‘ by the very successful business woman and Writer/Producer Lyss Stern. 

Description (from Amazon):  This guide tells it like it is and explains how women lose their sense of self once they have children and why it’s so important to reclaim it. Motherhood is a B#tch! tackles the toughest issues facing moms today and empowers you to regain your once fierce and fab self. In the end, you’ll be happier, healthier, and hotter than ever.

 

 

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How To Be a Happier Parent: Raising a Family, Having a Life and Loving Almost Every Minute. Written by KJ Dell’Antonia (former lead editor of the New York Times Motherlode blog).

Description (Amazon): Drawing from the latest research and interviews with families, KJ discovers that it’s possible to do more by doing less, and make our family life a refuge and pleasure, rather than another stress point in a hectic day. She focuses on nine common problem spots that cause parents the most grief, explores why they are hard, and offers small, doable, sometimes surprising steps you can take to make them better.

 

Mommy Burnout: How to Reclaim Your Life and Raise Healthier Children in The Process. Written by Dr. Sheryl Ziegler, a Mum of 3 herself, this book is described as the ultimate must-read handbook for the modern mother: a practical, and positive tool to help free women from the debilitating notion of being the “perfect mom,” filled with funny and all too relatable true-life stories and realistic suggestions to stop the burnout cycle, and protect our kids from the damage burnout can cause.

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How To Accomplish More In A Fraction Of The Time eCOVER WHITE

The pace and intensity of our lives, both at work and at home, leave many of us feeling like a person riding a frantically galloping horse. Our day-to-day incessant busyness — too much to do and not enough time.

With this ebook you will learn to approach your days in another way, reducing stress and getting results through prioritizing, leveraging and focus!

 

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